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Good Morning I’m so sorry I just don’t know where else to go this morning. My daughter came into my bed to snuggle last night as she couldn’t sleep in her own bed and my anxiety was through the roof with fear of what dreams I might have etc. Anyway I did have some and wonder about what parts of me were in contact with her during the night and did anything happen that I can’t remember? What I’ve written now is just a short explanation of what is happening and honestly it was a sleepless night with my child waking a lot so I don’t have the energy or time to try remember all of what happened during the night yet pieces of things make me thing there might be something to remember.

Desperate and alone

Nikki

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My therapist said the following to me one time and I implore you to consider this. 
 

“if you aren’t sure something happened in OCD, chances are that it didn’t”. 
 

The panic is all in your mind and you are putting thoughts in your head that worry you, but in truth the idea of any harm disgusts you because you are a good person. You aren’t alone x

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19 minutes ago, BigDave said:

My therapist said the following to me one time and I implore you to consider this. 
 

“if you aren’t sure something happened in OCD, chances are that it didn’t”. 
 

The panic is all in your mind and you are putting thoughts in your head that worry you, but in truth the idea of any harm disgusts you because you are a good person. You aren’t alone x

Thanks BigDave, thanks for your words. I just feel so sad to have to deal with this again. Like I feel I’m failing miserably 

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Oh my God you are so kind. I told my partner about what happened and he told me it is a load of rubbish. But I’m just so worried about what I can’t remember and what I can and maybe I should think more on it as I’ll likely to remember more dreams etc. what do you think?

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So, if you rang your therapist now to ask for advice would she be advising you to sit down and do your very best to remember every moment of the night? Would she tell you it would be wise to write down and analyse the content of your dreams so that you could then take notice of them? Would she recommend that you sent your Daughter to stay with her Grandparents just to be on the safe side?

What would she be telling you Nikki? :)

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Hey @Nikki79 ,

it's a gorgeous day today (at least where I am, hope it's the same where you are!). How about, instead of wasting your day trying to remember your dreams, you go out with your family for a nice walk in the park? Maybe some ice cream? It would do all of you much more good.

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11 minutes ago, BigDave said:

I understand Nikki. I really do. Do you want to talk about it? I’m here for you x

Hi Dave

That's really kind of you but we would always ask that these discussions are kept on the forum.  You can do just as good a job supporting Nikki on her thread :)

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I don’t think you should ruminate on it more. I think that would be a mistake. I think that you need to let these thoughts just lie. Accept that they are thoughts, just that and nothing more. You are wanting certainty and it’s often really hard to get absolute certainty. So you say what if? Fact is that if you aren’t sure anything happened, it very likely didn’t. Give yourself a break, distract yourself. Why don’t you and your partner take your kid and enjoy the sunshine :)

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3 minutes ago, Caramoole said:

Hi Dave

That's really kind of you but we would always ask that these discussions are kept on the forum.  You can do just as good a job supporting Nikki on her thread :)

Hi Caramoole. It’s actually what I meant to talk here! 

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1 hour ago, malina said:

Hey @Nikki79 ,

it's a gorgeous day today (at least where I am, hope it's the same where you are!). How about, instead of wasting your day trying to remember your dreams, you go out with your family for a nice walk in the park? Maybe some ice cream? It would do all of you much more good.

This ☝️☝️☝️

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2 hours ago, Caramoole said:

So, if you rang your therapist now to ask for advice would she be advising you to sit down and do your very best to remember every moment of the night? Would she tell you it would be wise to write down and analyse the content of your dreams so that you could then take notice of them? Would she recommend that you sent your Daughter to stay with her Grandparents just to be on the safe side?

What would she be telling you Nikki? :)

She would say recognize it as intrusive thoughts but I believe I am at fault here for being so terrified going to sleep and then cos I can’t remember what happened really cosI don’t know.

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5 minutes ago, Nikki79 said:

She would say recognize it as intrusive thoughts 

Quote

BUT I believe I am at fault here for being so terrified going to sleep and then cos I can’t remember what happened really cosI don’t know

.So, you're going to ignore her advise and go down the route of your own dodgy advise?  Does that seem like the sensible option?

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16 minutes ago, Caramoole said:

.So, you're going to ignore her advise and go down the route of your own dodgy advise?  Does that seem like the sensible option?

Absolutely not, one thing I have thought lately is I can’t trust my own mind. Also Caramoole what happens me is I get fixated on knowing the exact events of my anxiety and that’s what pulls me in to ruminating 

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15 minutes ago, Caramoole said:

I'm not quite following what you mean

Oh sorry I mean I get fixated on knowing the details of what happened in my dream and trying to think back to can I remember what I way I was lying in the bed or was I doing anything at that time. It’s sort of like analyzing what I can remember to see can I remember anything important that would implicate me or not. Does that makes sense?

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10 minutes ago, Nikki79 said:

Oh sorry I mean I get fixated on knowing the details of what happened in my dream and trying to think back to can I remember what I way I was lying in the bed or was I doing anything at that time. It’s sort of like analyzing what I can remember to see can I remember anything important that would implicate me or not. Does that makes sense?

Yes.  That is rumination :(

Fighting rumination, ignoring OCD thoughts and doubts is very difficult and makes you feel anxious.

Carrying out compulsions in order to try and remember, to be sure, to get rid of the doubt makes you extremely anxious.  As you're finding it doesn't make you feel better or any more certain.

The first will make you anxious as you resist those urges but you'll gradually start to feel better and move past the blip.  The second will ensure you continue to suffer anxiety and doubt most of the time.  You will feel wretched and afraid and it ruins your life and that of those you care for.  Which sounds like the better option?  It's no good going to therapy, applying it for the couple of months you're going and then not using the advice.

Trust me I "know" how hard it is.  I know how impossible it can seem when you're getting dragged back in....but I know that you can pull past this and sail into calmer waters.  You know the facts about OCD, what works, what harms.  You have to dig to the bottom of your boots and draw on that knowledge :)

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3 minutes ago, Caramoole said:

Yes.  That is rumination :(

Fighting rumination, ignoring OCD thoughts and doubts is very difficult and makes you feel anxious.

Carrying out compulsions in order to try and remember, to be sure, to get rid of the doubt makes you extremely anxious.  As you're finding it doesn't make you feel better or any more certain.

The first will make you anxious as you resist those urges but you'll gradually start to feel better and move past the blip.  The second will ensure you continue to suffer anxiety and doubt most of the time.  You will feel wretched and afraid and it ruins your life and that of those you care for.  Which sounds like the better option?  It's no good going to therapy, applying it for the couple of months you're going and then not using the advice.

Trust me I "know" how hard it is.  I know how impossible it can seem when you're getting dragged back in....but I know that you can pull past this and sail into calmer waters.  You know the facts about OCD, what works, what harms.  You have to dig to the bottom of your boots and draw on that knowledge :)

So true Caramoole and I have to almost gone myself permission to do so. Do you know what I mean?

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The thoughts that come from a bout of OCD can't be trusted....your therapist can be....so give yourself permission to ignore the nonsensical instructions

I agree with Lollipop.....If your partner's at home, get your coats on and get yourself out for a walk, go down the park, push a swing, buy an ice cream.  Get out of the house for an hour or so, break the cycle :) 

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1 hour ago, Caramoole said:

The thoughts that come from a bout of OCD can't be trusted....your therapist can be....so give yourself permission to ignore the nonsensical instructions

I agree with Lollipop.....If your partner's at home, get your coats on and get yourself out for a walk, go down the park, push a swing, buy an ice cream.  Get out of the house for an hour or so, break the cycle :) 

I failed to get out of bed today but I’ve been genuinely tired and had a headache. I do plan to get up in a while. This morning’s stuff keeps circulating in my head, I was trying to figure out when did I have the first intrusive thought this morning 

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3 minutes ago, Nikki79 said:

I was trying to figure out when did I have the first intrusive thought this morning 

I don't want to know Nikki and you should try to stop figuring it out :(

Staying in bed won't do you any good, headache or not.  You can't escape it by sleeping, it's just there to deal with later.  Time to get up, take some headache pills and spend some time with your Daughter.  You've got to try and take some positive action Nikki or it's not doing any good to just keep going over this with you

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45 minutes ago, Caramoole said:

I don't want to know Nikki and you should try to stop figuring it out :(

Staying in bed won't do you any good, headache or not.  You can't escape it by sleeping, it's just there to deal with later.  Time to get up, take some headache pills and spend some time with your Daughter.  You've got to try and take some positive action Nikki or it's not doing any good to just keep going over this with you

I know Caramoole, I know you are right. I’m going to get up now and spend some time with her before the day is out. Caramoole to leave this latest fear or worry behind, well is absolutely the right thing to do? I really want to. I don’t want to feel like this.

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