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JennieWren

Bulletin Board User
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Everything posted by JennieWren

  1. About four days. I have tummy ache and feel sick. Dry mouth and feel a bit panicky. The last one is probably because I have a fear of taking tablets! I'm watching more tv with the kids than I would normally. But hopefully in the long term it will mean I have the energy to do more with them.
  2. I'm just starting on sertraline and I'm halving the pills to build up gradually. I have kids and can't have too many side effects at once either. So far this is working. I feel grotty but it's manageable.
  3. What you are basically saying is that the therapy is working, in that is making you face your OCD for real. I think this paragraph is the most truthful and telling. Well done for recognising what's going on. It shows me that you need to keep going with the therapy. Do not listen to that voice in your head that says go it alone. What that voice is really saying is , "I don't like how therapy makes me feel and I want it to stop." But you are strong enough to do your therapy. You CAN do it. And then you will improve. That will not happen doing self help. Because for you self help is part of your OCD not the treatment for it.
  4. Maybe true. But the lovely thing about the way you think, is that you can change it. PB is right. There are many tools and practices we can do to think more positively. Like being grateful for the small things in life that we get enjoyment from. My sister has ME which means she can barely leave the house, she is in constant pain and exhaustion. But out of all that she’s has carved a positive life for herself. She gets a lot of enjoyment from her animals, food and her small garden. She inspires me with her determination to find the beauty in life. I’m not comparing your situations as her environment is very calm. I’m just saying it can be done.
  5. It’s true, not everyone in my life can handle it. Thanks for your post
  6. Yes be honest. Do it for yourself. Say to the therapist I have ocd and I have intrusive thoughts about x... they will have heard similar before even if they aren’t ocd experts. My therapist didn’t bat an eyelid when I told her I had in intrusive thoughts about sexually abusing my baby. I was so terrified thinking they’d call social services and I’d lose her. But nothing! Just compassion and kindness. Anyone lower down the chain, mental health nurses etc you might want to keep the nature of your thoughts to yourself. Not because they wouldn’t understand, but I got bad advice in an Iapt interview with a MH nurse, that could have sent me down the wrong path. But that’s just my experience.
  7. Just to clarify... Are you saying that it would be upsetting to you to have an official ocd diagnosis?
  8. I’m sorry you are feeling so bad. And I agree you shouldn’t leave the forum. Every symptom you have I can relate to and sounds like ocd. Which is why you need to get to that therapist! personally I believe you are the opposite of what you think about yourself. And anyway I would help you terrible or no, as I believe everyone deserves that. You are making a lot of assumptions right now about everything. You must understand that just because you think it, doesn’t make it true.
  9. Well I change my response. I’m so sorry you are in this head space and that you’ve argued with your partner. You can move past this. I’ve felt on the verge of splitting with my husband a few times in the last few years but although we were having terrible disagreements, he never thought it was as bad as I did. And it’s always harder to deal with hard times when we are feeling depressed. so a massive hug from me. And keep talking, we are here for you.
  10. This is no different than having an obsessive mind in that it's still rooted in some kind of incorrect thinking. So treat it like you have been your OCD. Rationally and cognitively. Work out what you have to deal with this mindset and then do it.
  11. Ocd is an effective mask for how we feel about life and ourselves. You've told us you have low self esteem and issues with how you see yourself. So maybe this period of depression is telling you to work on yourself. You are mentally exhausted and need lots of rest. But you still need to go out for your birthday. You still need to keep a routine. Maybe pick something nurturing rather than something that takes energy for your birthday. For example a walk in nature with a pub lunch at the end. Or a swim/massage at a spa. maybe take a look below the depression and find out what you are feeling. For me it's often a lot of sadness or frustration. maybe do some positive mindfullness exercises - some loving kindness or self acceptance work.
  12. Personally I think this is ok for now as when you have stopped thinking about this for long enough it won't worry you anyway. I think you are giving yourself too much to do. Remember how unwell you've been. The kind of post you are writing now is miles away from the constant ruminating posts of the last month. so take a deep breath. Congratulate yourself on getting this far. Then consider that getting to a point of recovery is a journey. Not immediate. Give yourself one task, to stop ruminating about cheating and then refuse to worry about the rest. If you need support from the forum that's fine. If you have worries about what's to come, it doesn't matter, it can wait. You just have to do this one thing. And accept you will fail many times. And that delaying ruminating is a victory in itself. Celebrate the small changes. Dont say to yourself I shouldn't worry about this or that. Just say it can wait. And I think forum members will tell you if you are reassurance seeking on the forum.
  13. I can't really give advice as although not the same topic, I have high amounts of paranoia. And you gave me some very good advice about it. The only thing I can say is this is a very strong reaction. A lot of people will have drunk with this man or befriended him through his life. And it's likely that other people like yourself disassociated them from this man too. I think your seeking reassurance from that family member shows how much reassurance can back fire if we hear something that we don't like. Oh, and dont move house.
  14. It's the only time in the week that I am free of OCD. It goes against all my OCD thinking which is why i think I am OCD free for that time. I only got afraid of the man at the wall when I got home. I actually love climbing and it got to the point where I couldnt even go to the top of a step ladder. I think many of us have had those enough is enough moments. When I climb my body becomes something strong and able - not anxious and full of potential illness. And overcoming a fear is so so good for self esteem
  15. Not mine other people have suggested this in other threads.
  16. I think delaying ruminating, or giving yourself set times and amounts of time to ruminate, might be helpful here, rather than trying to go cold turkey
  17. Thank you for all your replies. it means so much to know other people have experienced this same thing, as like many fears it can feel unique to the person feeling it, (in this case me!). It feels so real a threat. There's that real voice in my head that says yes but, what if THIS time he really is a murderous killer. But from other posts on the forum I know this is my incorrect OCD thinking talking. It's really hard accepting the fear especially as it combines harm to myself with my fear of heights ?? but I will try. i also value your feedback snow bear. You are right, it is an interpretation which I made. I put the meaning on his looks. i think people with OCD would make excellent horror movies/psychological thrillers. Our imaginations are boundless and we really know how to think up the scariest plot lines. Sometimes when I tell my husband what's going on in my head, even he gets scared!
  18. Ever so often I get a fear that someone I have a link to, but don't know very well, will harm me. for example, when I got my allotment the man who had my plot was chucked off it because he let it go to seed (literally). BUT, it was me wanting the plot that was the catalyst for his removal. When I found a large piece of broken glass on the plot later on in the summer I became terrified he was going to harm me in retribution. Kill me even. I kept going to my plot but it was very difficult. now I'm climbing regularly and one of the members of the club we sometimes climb with kept staring at me last night and giving me nasty looks the whole session. I have disagreed with him before and he is a difficult person who doesn't like newcomers so the black looks may have been genuine. Because climbing is so risky I'm worried he's going to do something to harm me whilst I'm climbing. Like cut the rope. Because I climb so high the urge to try and avoid him/stop going etc is very bad. And yet climbing is the one thing that is really helping me feel better. So I don't want to stop. i feel like I should avoid him or try and befriend him to appease him in some way but both feel like the wrong thing to do. What should my plan be?
  19. For me feelings of nausea, stomach pain, dizziness, diarrhoea are all signs of... anxiety! the more you worry about this I think the more you may be mimicking the real signs of a tummy bug. really though your life would be much easier if you received CBT for this fear. I have 2 young kids and so regularly get sickness bugs. And whilst I don't like it it's ok. It's normal. I wouldn't try and order my life to avoid it. So do you think you are ready to try and tackle this fear. Say "yes it could be the noro virus, oh well" ?
  20. Nothing is ever wasted if we learn from it. If you can use this opportunity of therapy to learn from past mistakes or ways of thinking then it will not have been a waste. Sometimes we need to hit rock bottom to make changes. And we need to trust that our way of thinking right now is not the way it will be forever, if we put in the work. maybe just change the tone a little so say “right now I’m feel I may have wasted my life. But soon I may feel differently.”
  21. Your determination to keep going with this and your strength of mind to do that is amazing. I hope you are feeling pretty good about that right now! Im looking forward to a new way of living too. Hoping for.
  22. snow bear I must admit I shed a couple of tears over your post. I’m not sure why! I think it’s because you offer such a clear alternative to my current way of being and you show me that it can be done, and how it can be done. I don’t know what you had to cope with to get to being such a wise and compassionate person. But I feel very grateful that you take the time to help me and others on this forum. Sometimes recovery is about hearing the right words at the right time, so thank you for gifting that to me.
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