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I am heartbroken due to my ex leaving me. I have had a really difficult Christmas. I made it nice for the kids but inside I was in pieces. The past few days have been so hard, I've been crying on and off and feel so broken. My whole world has been smashed to pieces and taken away from me. I really hoped that he would regret his decision but he hasn't, he is still so certain and cold. He says we weren't right for each other. How can he say that after 7 years and 4 kids. If he thought it for longer then why choose the house....I loved him so much. I've tried to tell him that we had so much pressure on us with the kids and a baby that never slept, I said you don't walk away when the going gets tough, you are supposed to work through things and come out the other side. I just wish I could rewind time. Is all hope really lost? Knowing how I over analyse things, I want to steer clear of that, I already know I've been going overboard. I need some advice, I'm so down.

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29 minutes ago, Saz said:

I am heartbroken due to my ex leaving me. I have had a really difficult Christmas. I made it nice for the kids but inside I was in pieces. The past few days have been so hard, I've been crying on and off and feel so broken. My whole world has been smashed to pieces and taken away from me. I really hoped that he would regret his decision but he hasn't, he is still so certain and cold. He says we weren't right for each other. How can he say that after 7 years and 4 kids. If he thought it for longer then why choose the house....I loved him so much. I've tried to tell him that we had so much pressure on us with the kids and a baby that never slept, I said you don't walk away when the going gets tough, you are supposed to work through things and come out the other side. I just wish I could rewind time. Is all hope really lost? Knowing how I over analyse things, I want to steer clear of that, I already know I've been going overboard. I need some advice, I'm so down.

I feel you. Do not wish for too much. The thing is that the sooner you are able to get over it the better. But it is easier said than done.

You are not alone and I wishing you the best. All people ruminate about their lost partners but we with OCD have to watch out. 

I wish that you are able to feel a little bit better soon. Please take care

Edited by OCDhavenobrain

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Aww Saz,  I'm so sorry you're going through this, it must hurt like Hell, especially at this time of year.  It's even tougher when one partner doesn't feel the same way.  Sadly, it happens and your partner seems pretty clear, I'm so sorry.  You will get through this with time, lean on your friends and family as much as you can for support.  Thinking of you :hug:

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Hello Saz,

I have not posted on one of your threads before but am familiar with whats happened. I do feel for you in your situation. I can't explain your partners actions or justify them in the circumstances. It doesn't make sense to me.

try and be kind to yourself, and not over analyse things. 

Hope you feel better soon. 

Avo

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I'm so sorry you're going through this Saz, especially at Christmas, it must be so hard :( Hugs :hug:Take care of yourself as best you can and you will get through this.  Thinking of you xxx

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Saz, I am so sorry you’re hurting but the truth is all hope isn’t lost. I know it’s a cliche but time will heal your wounds. With any break up also, it is very easy for you to sit there and say “what could I have done differently?” or just blaming yourself. But you have to remember that it’s a two way street and you are taking responsibility for his decisions. He made his decisions. Don’t take it as a slight on you. At the end of the day, he had four children and then he decided that things were too hard and be ******** off. I’d say that if you bring four lives into the world, that’s a lot of shared responsibility and it doesn’t say much of him for leaving. Sorry, I’m sure that isn’t what you want to hear and obviously it is difficult but also, if he doesn’t want in, then goodbye see you the end. You’ll find better. You are too good for him. 

That being said, I am sorry that it is hurting. When you give everything you can to someone and they reject you, it hurts like hell. I’ve been there too. But you have given your all to him and if that isn’t good enough for him, that is his problem, not yours. I promise you that things will get better. It’s a new year. 2019 come on! And it’s going to bring you much happiness. Much love to you and your family and wishing you all the best. 

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I’m so very sorry to hear what you’re going through Saz. This at any time is bad enough, but at Christmas is not nice at all. A few years back now we thought we were breaking up after the Christmas. We’d had family causing problems then the ‘stresses’ of Christmas just added to it all. I thought I would break. As it happens after a few months we were back on track. 

You will get through this! The strength will come. Do you have family or friends you can lean on? If you can maybe try getting out with your children. Just try and take each day as it comes. You always have everyone here on the forum too. Sending lots of positive thoughts X

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Thank you for the kind replies. They all mean a lot at such a horrible time. I'm not much better, think it's going to take a very long time to get over this. It's not right what he has done, to give up like that and not want to try with 4 kids, one of them not yet 2 years of age. I need to Keep reminding myself that he has the issues and not me. No decent man would walk away and in the manor in which he done it all too. My mum told me to focus on the negatives with him, like how he could be and how it would upset me. To be honest I just don't even want to think anything about him anymore because it's too hard. I'm starting to think there must be someone else, someone from work, he is too 'normal' it's like he's already dealt with with it all and come to terms with what he has done. Again why choose a house with me if he was thinking that. Just completely devastated by it all. Trying to be strong though and not over analyse everything. Hope he regrets it but will be too little too late :(

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I understand that is feels bad. I haven't experienced it so it is hard for me to fully understand how it feels. 
If you could skip turning to compulsions for anxietyrelief that would be great. It would be very good.

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5 hours ago, OCDhavenobrain said:

I understand that is feels bad. I haven't experienced it so it is hard for me to fully understand how it feels. 
If you could skip turning to compulsions for anxietyrelief that would be great. It would be very good.

Thanks, just feeling very lost. I'll try to avoid compulsions such as trying to work out why and what if, although I think that is normal... within reason x

Edited by Saz

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I can imagine it is all very disorientating but to be honest you’ll be setting some other guy’s tail wagging before too long. You are a good Mum, a sweetheart and so much more. Those that don’t deserve you shouldn’t have you!

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Thanks Dave, that's very sweet. 

Yes that's how I feel pretty disorientated like I'm in some weird dream and it's not real. I know I'm a worrier and a bit scatty sometimes and obviously get bad ancient but Im a good person and nothing warrants this behaviour from him. I think I have to face facts that he really didn't love me anymore. It's hurts to say that. I'll be ok, I think it's just going to take some time and I do need to learn to curb the questions running through my mind.

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16 hours ago, Saz said:

Thanks Dave, that's very sweet. 

Yes that's how I feel pretty disorientated like I'm in some weird dream and it's not real. I know I'm a worrier and a bit scatty sometimes and obviously get bad ancient but Im a good person and nothing warrants this behaviour from him. I think I have to face facts that he really didn't love me anymore. It's hurts to say that. I'll be ok, I think it's just going to take some time and I do need to learn to curb the questions running through my mind.

That should say get bad anxiety not ancient.

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The most important thing and maybe the only thing  you can do is to refuse to use compulsions to ease your anxiety. You sure are anxious and it is also very normal for you to be in such a state considering the circumstances. 

Gingerbredgirl told me to let the feelings be there and accepting the situation. That was a great advice in my situation and I think it's a great advice overall when you are facing ended relationships.

I would say that letting yourself wallowing in the pain could be a good thing. This means that you really have to accept that he is gone, I am sorry to say it but I don't think that hope is the right thing to turn to, it will just prolong the suffering. 

Edited by OCDhavenobrain

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5 hours ago, OCDhavenobrain said:

The most important thing and maybe the only thing  you can do is to refuse to use compulsions to ease your anxiety. You sure are anxious and it is also very normal for you to be in such a state considering the circumstances. 

Gingerbredgirl told me to let the feelings be there and accepting the situation. That was a great advice in my situation and I think it's a great advice overall when you are facing ended relationships.

I would say that letting yourself wallowing in the pain could be a good thing. This means that you really have to accept that he is gone, I am sorry to say it but I don't think that hope is the right thing to turn to, it will just prolong the suffering. 

I admit I did hold out the tiniest bit of hope that he would change his mind but I know now that he never will. It's a horrible reality I have to face. As someone said to me the other day, I'm not the first person and I won't be the last person to have this happen to them. Been stopping myself from wondering/trying to work out why he's left me as best as I can anyway. Starting to think its been my own fault and maybe I didn't act right/look right/treat him right. I know you we will tell me it's him and I know deep down he didn't treat me right...and I know it sounds daft but it's how it gets you. My confidence is at rock bottom. Been dr's today as I'm run down and stressed, which has caused headaches and dizziness. Sorry to go on.

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Didn't want to start a new topic but having an extra tough day today.

I believe I may have brought the end of my relationship on by my thoughts.  I am not talking about magical thinking. I almost predicted this would happen. I could visualise it and of course I would then imagine my kids being left without me - that's what I fear next. I have read many articles on attracting what you believe and if you keep thinking it then it will happen. It's like the law of attraction I guess but for negative thoughts and upsetting things rather than happy things. I'm petrified that my negative thinking is somehow causing my reality. I know some you are going to think I'm crazy or this is magical thinking but I'm really not and I bet there are people on here who do believe in the law of attraction and the power of manifestation. What if I have it but am going to manifest all my fears and worries? x

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Saz it is magical thinking and thought action fusion. 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-blame-game/201609/the-truth-about-the-law-attraction

Look for the evidence- there is none! Put this topic to rest. It's OCD territory. Your mind is desperately trying to put a definitive reason on why things happened the way they did. Let this theory go. It will only drag you into rumination X

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On 16/01/2019 at 00:58, Orwell1984 said:

Saz it is magical thinking and thought action fusion. 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-blame-game/201609/the-truth-about-the-law-attraction

Look for the evidence- there is none! Put this topic to rest. It's OCD territory. Your mind is desperately trying to put a definitive reason on why things happened the way they did. Let this theory go. It will only drag you into rumination X

Thanks Orwell. Sorry for late reply. I will have a look at that link now. Hope you are ok x

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1 hour ago, Saz said:

Thanks Orwell. Sorry for late reply. I will have a look at that link now. Hope you are ok x

Hi Saz, no worries, I reply late as well :) I'm ok, unemployed again. Figuring out my career path again. Still OCD about but it's not too bad.

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