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9 hours ago, Paul92 said:

As for Ssris  I am worried about side effects. And I sort of think that taking a tablet every day might remind me of it all. 

Side effects are possible, its true, but its also possible you won't experience any, you'll experience them only temporarily, or you'll have mild symptoms that pale in comparison to your OCD.  If the side effects are more severe you can stop taking the medication, its not a permanent commitment after all.  You'll likely start with a low dose and gradually adjust to find the right one (if you stay on the medication) to help limit side effects and you can stay in touch with your doctor to advise you on any problems you have.

As for taking the tablet every day, yes at times it can remind you of your trouble, but you'd be surprised at how easily something like that becomes routine.  I have a weekly pill box that I use for my meds, that way I don't have to think about it.  I just open the right one at the end of the day, take my pills and go to sleep.  Its just part of my routine like brushing my teeth, etc. It fades in to the background and I really don't think much about it.  In fact the whole reason I use the weekly pill case is to prevent myself from forgetting to do it, which happened at times in the past just because OCD was not something that was constantly on my mind.

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20 hours ago, dksea said:

Side effects are possible, its true, but its also possible you won't experience any, you'll experience them only temporarily, or you'll have mild symptoms that pale in comparison to your OCD.  If the side effects are more severe you can stop taking the medication, its not a permanent commitment after all.  You'll likely start with a low dose and gradually adjust to find the right one (if you stay on the medication) to help limit side effects and you can stay in touch with your doctor to advise you on any problems you have.

As for taking the tablet every day, yes at times it can remind you of your trouble, but you'd be surprised at how easily something like that becomes routine.  I have a weekly pill box that I use for my meds, that way I don't have to think about it.  I just open the right one at the end of the day, take my pills and go to sleep.  Its just part of my routine like brushing my teeth, etc. It fades in to the background and I really don't think much about it.  In fact the whole reason I use the weekly pill case is to prevent myself from forgetting to do it, which happened at times in the past just because OCD was not something that was constantly on my mind.

Thanks for this. He did want to start me 50mg. I haven't started taking them... I just got the prescription and then I haven't touched them. Is it true that your body can just get used to the dosage so then you have to keeping upping it?

I'm really struggling at the moment with this whole thing about time. All day I was looking forward to watching a football game tonight. Now it's half time. It's half done. Then it'll be over. I was watching the players running round the pitch, and was just thinking how time is constantly passing. They pass the ball, that's it, it's over done. What's the point in anything if it doesn't last? So, I guess it boils down to, one day I will be dead, and it will be sooner than I think, because time moves so fast. It moves so fast I feel as though I'm already dead.. if something is guaranteed, like death, then hasn't it already sort of happened?

I did have another way of looking at it. Time is only what we have created here on earth to add structure to our days etc So we know when to be places, how long to cook food etc. It's a tool for measurement. But really there is no time... we just live on a planet... there's no time. I found relief in thinking this for a while. But then, still, my time is finite... and it'll be here before I know it. I suppose thinking this way seems to slow it down and make it a natural process rather than something constantly shifting out of my control. Like if I do the right things, I can have an impact on how long I live..

I can see a lot of the above is just rumination. But I am finding this one so much harder to just dismiss... even harder than the idea that nothing is real and everything is my imagination...

Thanks again for your support. Really really having the worst time. I met a girl a few weeks ago, and I'm really getting feelings for her but she has no idea about all this. Also, today previous concerns about my past actions came back and whether I should confess it to her so she knows exactly who I am... really not having a great time and I'm just so tired.

Edited by Paul92

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5 hours ago, Paul92 said:

Is it true that your body can just get used to the dosage so then you have to keeping upping it?

Not in the sense that you mean, no.  
When you start taking the medication there will be a time period where your body will adjust to it and its effects.  For each person this is a little different, as our body chemistry is different.  For most people it will take time for the medication to build up and begin to have a positive affect, some people take weeks before they start seeing an improvement in OCD symptoms with SSRIs.  Also, as the body adjusts, you might experience temporary side effects.  Again for most people this doesn't last.  For some, unfortunately they don't acclimate well enough, or the symptoms are too unpleasant to allow them time to adjust and so they have to stop taking the medication.  They can try another, or try at a lower dose and move up, or in some cases augment with a second drug temporarily to control side effects.  Its not really possible to predict so thats why you are supposed to inform your doctor about any ill effects you feel, but thats true for any drug not just SSRIs.  Some people have bad reactions to normal pain killers and can only take certain types for example.

Back to dosage.  Its possible the initial level you start taking the SSRI at will not be enough and you will need to take a higher amount to have positive effects.  But once you reach that level it will likely stay that way for some time.  Perhaps during times of anxiety you might go a little higher, or when things are well you might go a little lower, usually such changes would only happen occasionally and you would be on the same dose for a long long time.  But its not like addictive drugs where you have to take more and more and more to get the same effect.  I've been on SSRIs for about 25 years now, I'm still taking them within the expected range.  Once my doctor and I identified the minimum dose level for effectiveness thats where we stayed.

Is it possible an SSRI could stop being effective for you, even at the highest dose?  I'm sure its possible, for as much as we understand about medication, particularly for mental illness, there is a whole lot we don't.  If thats the case and you've reached the highest recommended level you'd probably switch to a different SSRI, temporarily or permanently.  Still such situations are uncommon at best from my understanding.  Aside from citalopram/escitalopram which are related, each of the SSRI's is different, so taking one wouldn't affect your ability to be affected by the other.

However in all those cases, whether its finding the right dose, or needing to try a different medication, the only way to know is to wait and see, its not something that can be predicted.  You can choose to take the medication or not, thats entirely up to you, but I don't think there is a strong reason based on the possibilities I've outlined not to try if you and your doctor are on board.  

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6 hours ago, Paul92 said:

I'm really struggling at the moment with this whole thing about time. All day I was looking forward to watching a football game tonight. Now it's half time. It's half done. Then it'll be over. I was watching the players running round the pitch, and was just thinking how time is constantly passing. They pass the ball, that's it, it's over done. What's the point in anything if it doesn't last? So, I guess it boils down to, one day I will be dead, and it will be sooner than I think, because time moves so fast. It moves so fast I feel as though I'm already dead.. 

Considering these kinds of issues can certainly have an impact on us emotionally, ranging from positive to negative, as you are experiencing right now.  The thing is these are unanswerable questions, people have been pondering them or ones like them from far back in human history.  What is the point of anything?  Well there doesn't seem to be a definitive answer on that.  Many people have many different beliefs, ranging from the highly metaphysical/spirtual down to the completely mundane/practical.  Here's my take, maybe it'll help:
Time moves forward, we can't change that, as far as we know this is the only life we have, so we might as well make the best of it while we are here.

 

 

6 hours ago, Paul92 said:

if something is guaranteed, like death, then hasn't it already sort of happened?

I would say not really, no.  For example, its virtually guaranteed that at some point in the next say 8 hours for me (its noon here in Japan) the sun will go down and it will be night.  Does that mean its night now?  Not at all, the situation is different, the sun is out, its light.  Nigh will (almost certainly) happen, and when it does things will be different, but until then, its not yet night and it would be silly to act like it is.  Similarly with death, until you are actually dead your not dead, so you might as well live life, do things, etc. until you can't anymore.  And who knows, maybe you won't die!  Maybe they'll figure out immortality before you reach that point, maybe you'll be magically given the gift of eternal life.  Maybe you will die but it won't be the end, there will be something more beyond that, either an after life, or another existence or reincarnation.  We won't know until the future happens, in the meantime we might as well enjoy what we have now.

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Really struggling today. I don't know if this is an ocd thing or I'm psychotic. 

I just keep thinking what's the point in anything if we are guaranteed to die? You might argue well, they might find a drug to make you immortal. But the universe is predicted to end in 66 billion years or so anyway. Which you say is a long time, but is it?? 

I've not been googling anything or engaging with it, but it's not passing. It feels genuine, because it's a fact ill die one day. 

I've been dating this girl and I think I'm already a bit in love with her. But we will both be dead one day. It just takes the colour out of everything. 

Had anyone else been here?? 

Is it OCD or just anxiety over a genuine issue? 

If someone told me the universe will never end, that'd help. Because then in a way, you do live forever in some form. 

I feel so numb. I don't find anything funny or anything. Just everything is pointless. 

Edited by Paul92

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25 minutes ago, Paul92 said:

Really struggling today. I don't know if this is an ocd thing or I'm psychotic.

If you think it might be OCD, it probably is :)

I understand feeling like you are losing your mind from the anxiety and the endless thoughts, I've been there, its scary.  The fear you are feeling, the anxiety, it can make it hard to focus and evaluate things rationally.  Have you tried any kind of mindfulness meditation? Its not a cure for OCD, but I think it would help with your anxiety, and since the one of the key points of mindfulness is to focus on the moment now, it might help ground you from the feeling of worrying about time.

 

29 minutes ago, Paul92 said:

I just keep thinking what's the point in anything if we are guaranteed to die? You might argue well, they might find a drug to make you immortal. But the universe is predicted to end in 66 billion years or so anyway. Which you say is a long time, but is it?? 

I've not been googling anything or engaging with it, but it's not passing. It feels genuine, because it's a fact ill die one day. 

A lot of people hit this issue when dealing with OCD, they think that because a thing they worry about can actually happen, that makes it different than other worries, that means its not OCD.  But OCD isn't just imagined threats, you can get intrusive thoughts about anything, and yes some of the things we worry about can and do happen.  A person with OCD anxiety about cancer, can in fact get cancer, since cancer is sadly a thing that really happens to people.  The problem with OCD is not whether or not the thing that causes us anxiety could really happen, its that the level of doubt and anxiety we experience about that feared situation is dramatically out of proportion with a reasonable, rational response and it causes us to behave in negative ways that cause us more suffering.

So yes, the likelihood is that someday you will die, and that can be a scary and sad thought.  But spending all your time worrying about it isn't going to change that.  On the contrary if you spend all your time worrying about it, then you are causing yourself to suffer unnecessarily because it means you are unable to enjoy the life you DO have.

Also, you may not realize it, but you definitely are engaging with it, that you are having these kind of ruminations on the age of the universe, how it will all end, the meaning of it all, thats rumination.  Rumination is tough, its probably the trickiest of all the compulsions, since its mental and since its something we do as human beings for lots of things normally and in a beneficial way.  I know the thoughts are scary to you right now, and you want more than anything for them to just go away.  Unfortunately theres no quick way to do that, you have to work on identifying when you are engaged in compulsive behavior and work to stop it.  Its hard work, it'll seem impossible at first, but if you keep at it, before long it'll be automatic, you'll barely even notice when you correct yourself.  Remember, the goal is not to stop having the thoughts, its to stop treating the thoughts as if they matter.  If you do that, in time the thoughts will come less often because your mind won't care about them as much, it'll get bored essentially.  
 

35 minutes ago, Paul92 said:

Had anyone else been here?? 

Is it OCD or just anxiety over a genuine issue? 

If someone told me the universe will never end, that'd help. Because then in a way, you do live forever in some form. 

It might help, but odds are it wouldn't, because with OCD there is aways a "what if" path that you can go down.  Thats the game OCD plays, it makes us feel like we have to answer these questions, like we MUST know the answer.  Fortunately the reality is we don't have to answer them.  We can tell OCD, thanks but no thanks when it wants us to play its game.  Easier said than done, of course, it does take hard work, but if you keep it up, before long it gets easier and easier.

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Falling down this rabbit hole isn't helpful Phil. You have to change your behavioural response. 

These what ifs are just OCD intrusions with a dose of negative thinking distortion thrown in. 

And the key - our old friend acceptance that we have these mental health issues, and a determination not to connect with or give belief to them. 

Think "so what", refocus away and keep doing this when your brain wants you to drop into the rabbit hole. 

The more you ruminate, the more you give meaning to these intrusions, then the stronger and more frequent they will become. 

So there Paul is your homework you need to do. 

If we all determine to take this line with our intrusions a whole lot more of us are going to make progress on the road to recovery. 

I have had to do this, stuck at it and am now benefiting from this process. 

It isn't rocket science, but it is initially a challenge that gets easier as we approach, then cross, the gain line. 

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You guys know I will do what I need to do. Sometimes I feel as though I need to see the goal first, that's all and get someone to tell me it's an ocd thing. 

If you can sit there and tell me that you don't have concerns over the passing of time and the pointlessness of life if we all die and the universe dies, then I'll take your word for it and I'll do my level best to not engage with it. 

At the moment it's just so difficult to not notice the passing of time. 

It's a tough one this but tomorrow is another day and I'll try my best. 

 

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I don't Paul 

1 hour ago, Paul92 said:

If you can sit there and tell me that you don't have concerns over the passing of time and the pointlessness of life if we all die and the universe dies, then I'll take your word for it and I'll do my level best to not engage with it. 

I like Shakespeare's quote. All the world's a stage and all the men and women merely players. 

But to me - since we aren't immortal and I can't imagine wanting to be anyway - we strutt our time upon that stage, then pass our place upon it on to the next generation. I call this "handing on the relay baton". 

Back in 2001 my mother handed on she and my father's batons to my sister and I. 

Some 6 year's back on were passed my parents-in-laws batons to their children. 

There is a natural order to this which brings me comfort. 

As an amateur astronomer I understand universe star systems galaxies planets asteroid belts and the life cycle of a star. It fascinates, not worries, me. In fact it brings me enormous calm to know how this chain of existence occurs. 

Do I worry? No not ostensibly. Many years ago I was a compulsive worrier, worrying about literally anything. Had I carried on with that it would have been seriously detrimental to my health. 

I learned how to stop worrying, and look to see problems as challenges, concerns not worries. 

Nowadays I look to have a great time every day. Of course I don't - and my wife and I had some difficulty with an emotional response she felt to something today. But we face such things together, shoulder to shoulder, and look for the sunshine again ☀ 

 

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Honestly, ever since my kids were born time has just felt like it’s flew by, my oldest willbe 16 this year and I’m like when did this happen?! Time is fast, we’re onmy here for a short while, but rather than worry yourself sick about it, the best thing to do is make the best of it, enjoy things a smith as u can, time will still love fast wether we worry about it or not, so what’s the point in worrying?’ X

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There is never any point in worrying. Concern perhaps, worry no. 

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It's really tough this one. I feel so strange. Like really numb. 

Trying my best to just not engage with it but it's so hard to not notice the passing of time. 

I know it's just an obsession. I do know if I can knock this one on the head, nothing much will ever faze me again. 

I just keep thinking how time moves so quick I'm sort of already dead. If I forget about time and just live as any other animal who doesn't have an understanding of time, that helps but it isn't practical 

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And get busy on worthwhile things. 

For OCD sufferers, too much time to focus inwards on our obsessions is unhelpful. 

I have had a busy week and focused on the tasks in hand, which are nicely under control even if the involvement of others slows them down. 

And when I am happy and busy time does go by quickly, but I enjoy the experience as it does. 

My wife and I schedule our time, together - and on separate projects. 

We have a loose not rigid structure to our week with flexibility. 

And we take each day as it comes. 

Result, sure time might flow along (it tends to when people are happy) but we don't mind as we are enjoying what we do. 

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I have stepped in this wheel again today I worry about free will and who controls my mind. It had gone away for a bit but the feelings are never far away I worry I am on a journey in life with no control Over my actions it’s all pre planned? Decided by someone else?

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But here again Phil it is you posting your obsessional intrusive thoughts. 

And questioning them. 

That is exactly what NOT to do. 

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1 hour ago, taurean said:

But here again Phil it is you posting your obsessional intrusive thoughts. 

And questioning them. 

That is exactly what NOT to do. 

If I don’t post what I think then surely I wouldn’t post atall? If nobody posts stuff for help then this forum would be very quiet.

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You didn't ask for help. You posted your latest obsession and put a question mark at the end, like you always do. Further, we aren't going to engage with your compulsions by debating the merits of your obsession.

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26 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

You didn't ask for help. You posted your latest obsession and put a question mark at the end, like you always do. Further, we aren't going to engage with your compulsions by debating the merits of your obsession.

I will post elsewhere then 

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Perhaps a philosophy forum, rather than one aimed at tackling rather than facilitating OCD. 

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3 minutes ago, paradoxer said:

Perhaps a philosophy forum, rather than one aimed at tackling rather than facilitating OCD. 

Yes possibly but the issue here is having ocd you focus on these themes so the issue here is ocd other advice I have been given in the past reckons I should avoid these deep philosophy chats becuase it probably won’t help in this case. 

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45 minutes ago, Phil10 said:

I will post elsewhere then 

Posting elsewhere isn't going to help Phil, the problem is the compulsion to post.  We are offering you a path out of the mess you have found yourself in, is there a reason you won't take it?  What are you looking for going forward?

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4 hours ago, Phil10 said:

If I don’t post what I think then surely I wouldn’t post atall? If nobody posts stuff for help then this forum would be very quiet.

This forum is an excellent medium for help. But we don't help people by encouraging them to continually provide a narrative of their intrusive thoughts. 

We help them by showing them the path away from listening to, and responding to, their intrusions. 

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Phil, all OCD sufferers get caught in a curcular cycle of thinking. They all end up foing the same things over and over. You are not alone. 

Here, in this thread, we deal with you and your cycle. Or cycles. You have your contamination cycle, your existentialism cycle and your posting cycle. You likely don't realize it but the way you post, one obsession after another, is OCD at work. We are trying to grt you to break the cycle. We are trying to help you.

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