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Phil19

Going back to CBT this Monday - Intense anxiety (Merged Thread)

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When your OCD marches out to tell you this could be contaminated, x might have spread to y, that needs replacing, what are you doing that's wrong? 

Listening to it, and believing the threat that it proposes. 

It's in your hands to do something about this - and you aren't. 

 

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8 minutes ago, taurean said:

When your OCD marches out to tell you this could be contaminated, x might have spread to y, that needs replacing, what are you doing that's wrong? 

Listening to it, and believing the threat that it proposes. 

It's in your hands to do something about this - and you aren't. 

 

I’m not sure I just know I can’t help myself right now. The ocd comes and I respond. I’m not sure how I can change this. 

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What do you want us to say, Phil? You had another intrusive thought and you did compulsions. And, oh yeah, doing the compulsions didn't make you feel better.

It's a story we've heard a hundred times before.

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Guest OCDhavenobrain

Ok, good luck with everything and hope all turns out for the best in July

Edited by OCDhavenobrain

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2 hours ago, Phil19 said:

I’m not sure I just know I can’t help myself right now. The ocd comes and I respond. I’m not sure how I can change this. 

By hard endeavour - determination, perseverance. 

Where you are with this now is grim, because all the fears and threats are really only worthless nonsense. 

And worthlessly costing you money. 

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3 hours ago, Phil19 said:

The ocd comes and I respond. I’m not sure how I can change this. 

By not responding.  
A thought/image/impulse is something you can't directly control.  Ok, fine.
Replacing, ruminating, posting diary entries on this forum, those are all things you CAN control.  Is it hard sometimes? Yes.  But you CAN control them.
You have convinced yourself that you can't, but you can.  You have to decide not to do these things anymore EVEN THOUGH ITS HARD.  Thats how you change.

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1 hour ago, taurean said:

By hard endeavour - determination, perseverance. 

Where you are with this now is grim, because all the fears and threats are really only worthless nonsense. 

And worthlessly costing you money. 

Yes it is costing lots of money. I going to return at least 3 of the shirts though. I realise it’s not good to do the compulsions as I feel anxious and guilty that I give in. I accept I can’t keep doing this behaviour. I said many times before what I feel is halting my recovery I can’t seem to get my head round blocked toilet germs I believe they are harmful and stuff needs quarantined. I have become afraid of bins too as people put dog waste in them. 

But yes I am finding any change very difficult. I said before I can give into the urges sometimes but not often. I feel a lack of will power it seems easy to replace. But I accept things have to change but it’s hard to some how accept these blocked toilet germs I know it’s my fault for blocking toilets in the first place but I can’t go back in time once something has been contaminated that’s it. 

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2 hours ago, Phil19 said:

I can’t seem to get my head round blocked toilet germs I believe they are harmful and stuff needs quarantined. I have become afraid of bins too as people put dog waste in them. 

There is nothing to "get your head around", you keep falling back on that.  Its not about what your OCD says, its about what you decide to do.  You can decide to touch a bin.  You might not enjoy it, you might not want to, but you can 100% decide to do it.  People do stuff they don't like, or even hate all the time, its not a special skill, its simply a matter of deciding to do something and then doing it.  


You know what the best possible thing you could do for yourself right now? Touch a bin!  Seriously, if you did that it would be a HUGE victory.  Stop thinking, stop trying to get your head around it, to borrow a phrase, JUST DO IT.

 

2 hours ago, Phil19 said:

once something has been contaminated that’s it. 

The contamination is a LIE!  Stop buying the lie!  

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Today I got a parcel delivered and they touched the letter box so I worried it was dirty and today someone visited chapped my letter box opened the door so I feel I need to replace the door handle again I have changed it 2/3 times already. The ocd says that the bin germs exist on the letter box. As has been said before the relief is temporary I am finding the more I replace the more I buy. Months ago I had 3/4 iron boards and had to return them. Now it’s shirts and door handles. 

I think to myself had someone chapped the letter box with the old door handle I probably wouldn’t have noticed but when I changed the door handle it fuelled my anxiety. Right now I want to change the door handle every few days I mean this isn’t great? 

I find I replace and replace and when the relief stops I stop because it gets a bit ridiculous when I own 5 irons or 6 shirts or 4 door handles.  

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Also as mentioned I bought a lot of excess shirts but with the irons when I returned them I avoided that particular store my fear is returning the shirts I worry I have to avoid that shop. Also if I dispose of something I fear using something the same colour or same item even if new 

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Guest OCDhavenobrain

What do you want us to write now? You get all these advices but you don't seem to change anything? What do you expect to happen here really?

Edited by OCDhavenobrain

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Perhaps Phil everyone should write out their daily grind of obsessions and compulsions and why they are not doing what they have been counselled to do? 🤔 

Your posts are utterly pointless, as worthless as the obsessions to which you continue to carry on giving meaning. 

When are you going to take a look at what you are doing, start unravelling it and start to sort out your OCD? 

It's difficult, it's challenging - but it can definitely be done. Many here do so. 

 

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I feel it’s pointless at the moment 

Nobody can stick to the ocd standards my partners sister touched the letter box and then my door handle my reaction is to change the handle again. And again my mum touched the front door handle again tonight when i was in the toilet but I wasn’t able to sort this because I was In the toilet so she could have touched the wheelie bin but both are hypothetical questions was the letter from the bin and is the letter box contaminated and also we have no idea if she had touched a bin tonight.

So yeah I can change the letter box no problem but this door handle issue won’t go away it’s not really practical to buy a new door handle every week and to make it worse travel 15 miles to click and collect it as I have ocd about the delivery shops in my area.

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Phil, what is pointless really is your carrying on with this diary, and not going the extra mile to commence standing up to your OCD. 

It's difficult, of course it is, but I and many others know it IS doable. 

So let's see you making a start. How about resisting the urge to post your "diary" for one day, meanwhile keeping yourself busy and, every time you experience an intrusion, leave it be and practice refocusing away. 

It's only by doing this that you can break the habit of belief in and connection with the OCD that keeps you stuck. 

Edited by taurean

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59 minutes ago, taurean said:

Phil, what is pointless really is your carrying on with this diary, and not going the extra mile to commence standing up to your OCD. 

It's difficult, of course it is, but I and many others know it IS doable. 

So let's see you making a start. How about resisting the urge to post your "diary" for one day, meanwhile keeping yourself busy and, every time you experience an intrusion, leave it be and practice refocusing away. 

It's only by doing this that you can break the habit of belief in and connection with the OCD that keeps you stuck. 

Yes but I feel forced to change the door handle it’s a never ending cycle it can’t go on can it? I feel I don’t know how to stop it. 

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But it needn't be a never-ending saga. 

It's easy for sufferers to fall into a repetitive ongoing play of their OCD. 

But it is possible to gradually break the stranglehold. 

Try the methodology in my post above and see how you get on. Don't worry if you fail at first. Just pick up and start over until you begin to win more than you lose. 

Slow, steady overall progress, not letting setbacks overwhelm us, is the way to beat this Phil. 

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On 23/06/2019 at 06:06, Phil19 said:

I feel I don’t know how to stop it. 

Phil, we've told you many times how to stop it.  By making choices and changing your behavior.  The first thing you have to accept though is that its not going to go away overnight no matter what you do.  You have two choices:

1. Do the CBT (not just go to the sessions but DO the steps) and in time the thoughts and anxieties will die down.
2. Do the compulsions and the thoughts will continue and probably get worse

Again, I wish there was an option 3 that was "do this quick thing and the thoughts will stop forever!".  Maybe someday, but there isn't yet.  So you have to choose between 1 and 2.

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I often read on these forums about people getting to the point they don’t care about the germs. Why is this? In my case it’s a bit of perfectionism rather than the germs. I was at therapy the other day and I was able to trace something back almost 20 years ago before I had proper anxiety or ocd where I believed an area was forever contaminated. If it troubles me 20 years on what hope is there? There has been cases where I gather evidence to prove the thought incorrect and unable to prove and I have forgotten it. So what’s the magic cure? My therapist said if she smeared something like a nappy on my letter box I would have to bleach it? She said if I bleached it would it be clean and I said yes so she is using that to counter my fear with the blocked toilet germs in the letter box.

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Guest OCDhavenobrain

I am afraid this won't do you any good either. If I had to give you an advice it would be to really read what advices you have gotten. Dksea advices just to mention one who you could focus on are really good. 

HOWEVER, I am really interested of hearing if you do believe in CBT now or not. 
Sorry bad writing I am having a hard time in the heath hehe

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3 minutes ago, OCDhavenobrain said:

I am afraid this won't do you any good either. If I had to give you an advice it would be to really read what advices you have gotten. Dksea advices just to mention one who you could focus on are really good. 

HOWEVER, I am really interested of hearing if you do believe in CBT now or not. 
Sorry bad writing I am having a hard time in the heath hehe

I still don’t believe in touching something I uncomfortable with so I’m on the fence about Cbt. The Cbt i get sort of includes counselling so I can talk about my issues I find this useful. For example I’m trying to get help for my fear of flying. 

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Phil, we have explained this many times before. 

That perfectionism is at the core of your obsessions is irrelevant. Your brand of OCD is no different than anyone else's. 

The reason you get trapped is that you do completely unnecessary compulsions. Every time you do a compulsion, you reinforce the faulty belief in your mind that there was something wrong. 

You do all sorts of compulsions. You ruminate. You avoid places and things. You replace things. You buy five of something when one would do. These compulsions are what keep you stuck and what causes future obsessions to arise.

It's that simple.

Edited by PolarBear

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I truly believe that the right blend of therapy, plus listening to believing and actioning what we are told to do, leads to recovery. 

How much that recovery is may vary, but there is every chance that it will be significant. 

I am going to highlight again listening to believing and actioning what we are told to do, because this is key to recovery. We have to walk the walk, work the homework, make the thinking and behavioural changes. 

Only we can decide if we are going to do it now, or carry on suffering for another twenty years before we do it. 

What's it going to be, Phil? 

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5 hours ago, Phil19 said:

So what’s the magic cure?

There IS no magic cure.  Only putting in the work through CBT to change how you handle intrusive thoughts.  Until you are willing to accept that your approach is incorrect and start doing things the right way, nothing will change.  Your thoughts from 20 years ago still bother you because you aren't challenging the problem, you are still accepting what OCD is saying.  You continue to treat the contamination as real.  You refuse to challenge those thoughts through your actions.  Until you accept the CBT approach and really do the work nothing will change.

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15 hours ago, Phil19 said:

If it troubles me 20 years on what hope is there?

There is always hope Phil :) 

It's a cliché I use a lot on here, but it is true. It's not the 20 year old contamination we need to change, it's your perception of the 20 year old contamination. If and when that is changed, the thing you feared will no longer be something you avoid.

 

15 hours ago, Phil19 said:

So what’s the magic cure?

Hard work and being willing to take a risk I would suggest. 

Of course it's not that straight forward, but in essence the way every single person overcomes OCD is through putting in really hard, anxiety provoking work and learning to be willing to take a risk (that something may be contaminated) but using/touching it regardless.  I have a few photos of me doing just that if it is helpful I can share.

 

15 hours ago, Phil19 said:

My therapist said if she smeared something like a nappy on my letter box I would have to bleach it? She said if I bleached it would it be clean and I said yes so she is using that to counter my fear with the blocked toilet germs in the letter box.

I don't know if I am understanding this part correctly Phil.  Is your therapist saying you should bleach something to make it clean as a way of doing therapy?

 

15 hours ago, Phil19 said:

I still don’t believe in touching something I uncomfortable with so I’m on the fence about Cbt. The Cbt i get sort of includes counselling so I can talk about my issues I find this useful. For example I’m trying to get help for my fear of flying. 

You're on the fence about CBT?  If so then it may be that right now CBT is not for you. 

So if we look at my fear of using toilets. I started my CBT knowing one day I would have to touch a public toilet seat and put my hand in toilet water. I was never comfortable about it, I didn't want to do it, I was getting anxious thinking about it.. but I knew I had to do it to overcome my worries and fear.   If you can't see the benefits of doing the therapy (even if it worries and makes anxious) then I am not sure the therapy will actually work at this time whilst you're in that mindset.

Talking about issues, counselling isn't CBT of course.  CBT is meant to be a talking and doing therapy.  Overcoming OCD will not happen without talking and doing. 

I hope my points are not too blunt, but as someone who's been there I thought some straight talking was needed. :)

 

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So wedding is a week away I have had heightened ocd due to it.

I ended up returning most of those shirts I bought and shoes. By fear was the shop being contaminated now though.

But anyway many months ago I worried I peed myself when I never and also when I walked past dog poop I worried it magically got on the shirts also I never checked my backside was clean when I tried suit on so basically I worry I will smell of poop or pee on the wedding day. I did get new shirts but sat in my cupboard close to the other one. I already tried one of the ones I think was pee germs so the suit would already be contaminated. Course I am sure I never peed myself and those clothes were washed long ago and had I really peed myself I would have known but the ocd is always gonna day “I smell of pee or poop on wedding day.” 

Ordering more shirts won’t help as I worry about them. It’s a bit of a loop and I’ve found reason to worry about every shirt. So how can I enjoy the day worrying I smell or worrying the shirt isn’t pressed enough? 

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