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Hello Friends

Despite my being far from memorable(!), some of you might just recall my OceanDweller moniker from a couple of years hence. I completely misplaced my login details so I’m here in disguise as Equinoxygen, just because its Autumn and I’m still breathing!

Life is treating me with relative care. I’m on a wonder medication that has alleviated my insomnia and has given me the breathing space I needed to complete two courses of CBT. I’m managing my intrusive thoughts much better, and have learned to recognise and limit a whole host of compulsions that I was largely unaware of (once upon a time I would have described my OCD as Pure O, but I’m now not convinced that exists).

Anyhew, I’ll be hanging around for a wee while. This forum was an invaluable source of support when I was at my lowest ebb. I’m still far short of being cured, but perhaps I can be of some use purely by virtue of my own lengthy innings with this often terrifying and bewildering condition.

Wishing you all a peaceful day.

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7 minutes ago, Avo said:


OceanDweller / Equinoxygen. I remember you from when I first properly started using the forums nice to hear you seem to be doing ok. its nice to have you back on the forums :)

Thank you Avo. Good to hear from you.

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Hey OD, you are super memorable! Loved your wit and your way with words! You really helped me when I first joined the forums a couple of years ago. It's lovely to have you back and so good to hear that you're doing well and making lots of progress. :) X

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7 hours ago, Emsie said:

Hey OD, you are super memorable! Loved your wit and your way with words! You really helped me when I first joined the forums a couple of years ago. It's lovely to have you back and so good to hear that you're doing well and making lots of progress. :) X

Bless your heart Emsie, you wee ray of sunshine you. X

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57 minutes ago, Gemma7 said:

I remember you too :) It's good to hear you've been doing well and you've had success with CBT, keep up the good work.

It's also always great to have more people on the forum to share their wisdom so glad you've come back x

Hi Gemma. Thank you very much for your message. If wisdom comes from finally taking the cotton wool out of one’s ears and stuffing it into one’s mouth, then perhaps, today, I have a modicum! X

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14 minutes ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

Really glad to see you od! You helped me a lot during a really rough patch. And gave us quite a few laughs too :) . I've wondered about you a few times and how you're getting on. Really glad you've been doing well :) x 

Bless you gingerbreadgirl. It’s very pleasing to learn that my attempts at levity occasionally hit the mark. X

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2 hours ago, Hopingtorecover said:

For those of us who don’t know you can you talk to us about your recovery journey? It’s so encouraging to hear good stories. 

Hi Hopingtorecover. I’ve been racking what remains of my brain to come up with useful tidbits from my journey. I must stress that I don’t consider myself cured of OCD. I am, however, managing my obsessions and compulsions far more successfully than once I did.

I have suffered from a number of the themes discussed daily on this forum. What I eventually realised is that the common denominator was a disproportionate degree of anxiety. I was a master catastrophisor! As soon as I opened my eyes every morning I convinced myself that today was the day that I would drive into oncoming traffic, or grope a family member, or confess to some imaginary crime. I began to avoid situations where I might encounter other humans. As a consequence, I became more isolated, more fearful, more alone.

As with any anxiety disorder, the path to wellness is often beset with a succession of evermore daunting exposures to that which we fear. A significant turning point for me was to talk, in detail, about the themes of which I had been most ashamed, in a group therapy setting. This is not for the faint of heart, however I was desperate by this stage. The longer I spoke for, the more the reaction of the other members morphed from seemingly appalled silence into (albeit initially cautious) understanding and acceptance. This was critical, as it robbed my thoughts of their power. Because having OCD, irrespective of one’s themes and how terrifying and dirty they might make one feel, is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.

CBT helped enormously. Some of the exposures were almost insufferably uncomfortable at times. What made ALL the difference was finding a therapist who specialised in treating OCD and who had come across all of my themes before. So, instead of the balking response I had anticipated, she just nodded and smiled with every revelation.

As stated previously, I’m not cured. But I am better. If I could offer any advice, it would be this: be really, really honest; listen to what those in the know tell you; and be brave. Because it will hurt. But it’s only through learning to sit in the **** that one can ever hope to recover.

And I’m spent!

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