Sorry - Did something stupid (Merged Thread)

[Caramoole]

It's difficult, not impossible.  Keep on letting those thoughts be

[ivybasil]

1 hour ago, Nolightleft said:

Really don't know what to do,I have to stop seeking reassurance on here,the anxiety washes over me,had to meet a couple of family at pub,trying to join in,just feel like an alien holding secrets,I'm trying to not latch onto the thoughts and just observe but my head is fully being attacked with images of every fantasy I've had,I just feel dirty,and the emotions with that are awful,I feel so alone,me and my partner have always been close apart from this,I tell her she should leave me,she said she loves me and all I can think is if you knew everything you wouldn't,I really am trying to accept and move on but it's so impossible 

You're doing it, though! You're showing incredible strength by doing these normal things like going out with family when you feel so bad. It's not impossible. You can do this. You are doing this!

[foreverobsessing]

1 hour ago, Nolightleft said:

Really don't know what to do,I have to stop seeking reassurance on here,the anxiety washes over me,had to meet a couple of family at pub,trying to join in,just feel like an alien holding secrets,I'm trying to not latch onto the thoughts and just observe but my head is fully being attacked with images of every fantasy I've had,I just feel dirty,and the emotions with that are awful,I feel so alone,me and my partner have always been close apart from this,I tell her she should leave me,she said she loves me and all I can think is if you knew everything you wouldn't,I really am trying to accept and move on but it's so impossible 

That’s great you went out to the pub to see a couple of family members! Even if you felt like you were holding in secrets, you still went and tried to join in and that’s a huge achievement as everyone on here knows it’s so much easier said than done than to try and not focus on what’s in your head, and even harder to not be critical of yourself but getting out and doing something is a great achievement.

Is there anything you can think of to do tomorrow?

 

[Hal]

Hats off to you NLL...as Ivy & forever both say, it takes strength to make the effort to go out for lunch in spite of how you were feeling. Good going

[Nolightleft]

Thankyou,I have a roast out tomorrow with wife's family,I sweat and am anxious,it's awful,I try my best to communicate,I have to back to work on Monday, daytime chef,I have no choice,I should be off sick but can't afford it, really going to test me

[ivybasil]

Maybe being busy at work will be the best thing you can do! Any time your mind wanders or the thoughts happen, refocus on the task at hand. Tell yourself you can think about them later. Delay the rumination. 

Hope you manage to enjoy your day tomorrow - know that you ARE beating this!

[foreverobsessing]

That’s good you’ve got something planned to do tomorrow I find my antidepressant makes me overheat, as well as when I’m anxious so I can relate. When ocd is being the most cruel and difficult to handle, just getting out of bed each day and doing what you can to distract yourself is a huge achievement. On my worst days I have found that making a note of everything I am doing and then being able to look back at it at the end of the day, really helps me be able to realise ‘wait eventhough I am struggling so much I have managed to achieve things today’ - like a back to front to-do list

 

 

[ivybasil]

@foreverobsessing I love that idea! We can all be so cruel to ourselves - people without OCD don't know how big an achievement the supposedly "little" things can be...!

[Myownworstenemy]

@Nolightleft I'm new here but have had ocd all my life. I've only briefly read your posts. How do you know they are normal fantasies? you seem very distressed about them. Might they be intrusive thoughts? 
 

I used to have POCD years ago aimed towards my 2 year old son. It was horrendous. I'd get all these awful images in my head. At the time I didn't know it was OCD, I thought I'd turned into a monster. I wouldn't go near my son, obviously I didn't dare tell anyone, I thought they'd take my kids off me. I'm a woman too so it made it even worse. I know it's a different subject but the thoughts are practically the same. 
 

if I'd have told someone who didn't know about ocd I was having sexual thoughts towards my baby son, of course most people would brand me a monster. 
 

I've started to realise that we don't want people to confirm our worst fears, but want them to be honest to confirm what we think we already know. The more confessing or just telling anyone is always going to cause more doubt. If you're really at the end of your tether what have you got to lose than to try a different way? It depends how miserable you really are I guess. 

[Nolightleft]

No not like pocd 

They were taboo sexual fantasies I entertained ,let me head get carried away,then discarded

My intrusive memories are fo fantasies I enjoyed that make me feel I've betrayed and cheated on my wife,does it sound more sinister,what do you mean the thoughts sound the same

[Myownworstenemy]

Well the thoughts that the fantasy or images are causing us distress. You're clearly not enjoying them otherwise you wouldn't be on here seeking help. If you were really enjoying them you surely wouldn't care. 
 

I used to get this other horrible thing. If I heard really bad news, like war or someone had fainted or worse I'd get a rush of excitement. I literally thought I was a sadist or something. My OCD therapist has now assured me that these were false feelings of excitement as when I'm in a normal frame of mind those issues fill me with dread and horror definitely not excitement. 
 

im seeing your issue as being exactly the same as all other OCD just another topic. Unless you believe it though you're going to be going round in circles. 

[gingerbreadgirl]

Hi myownworstenemy,

The issue with NLL is not that the fantasies were unwanted - they were normal fantasies which he enjoyed at the time. The issue is that now after the event OCD is convincing him he was wrong to have them and he needs to confess to his wife. The fantasies weren't intrusive - but the thoughts now about whether they're "acceptable" or not are intrusive and OCD. Hope that makes sense!

[Lynz]

Even if the fantasies weren't "normal" that is not the issue. The issue is the OCD which needs to be treated, like GBG says.

IMO, getting drawn into discussions about what are normal fantasies or not is entirely unhelpful and distracting from the real issue which is the OCD. I really hope there are no further discussions about the content of NLL's thoughts and fantasies as that will only distress NLL further and won't help him beat his OCD.

[Hal]

8 minutes ago, Lynz said:

Even if the fantasies weren't "normal" that is not the issue. The issue is the OCD which needs to be treated, like GBG says.

IMO, getting drawn into discussions about what are normal fantasies or not is entirely unhelpful and distracting from the real issue which is the OCD. I really hope there are no further discussions about the content of NLL's thoughts and fantasies as that will only distress NLL further and won't help him beat his OCD.

I completely agree....

Try to focus on enjoying your Sunday roast and don't allow yourself to get drawn back into the disorder's games NLL.

[Nolightleft]

Obviously this has spiked lol 

From all I've stupidly researchers and found out from workmates fantasies about threesomes, exhibition,voyerism are in the commen category,yet I still don't believe it.

As I've said to many times I fantasized about being caurt masturbating by my stepsons ex,in the fantasy it was arousing,in reality such a thing would literally make me vomit,

Same as the fantasy about 2 women up the road and strangely a tooth brush,in the fantasy it was wild,In reality I wouldn't go anywhere near them they are pretty grim.

That troubles me so much,I am still doughting it's OCD as people don't seem to have these fantasies,only in statistics witch are probably wrong,I am so worried my fantasies are far from normal,they must be,noone else is feeling guilt for theirs cos there aren't as messed up as mine

 

[Nolightleft]

Sorry lynz,on your post you said even my my fantasies weren't normal,youve been great help over the years,I'm just worried by this.

I'm also terrified I'm going to confess today,part of me said it's selfish but part that my wife has to know shes with a pervert

[PolarBear]

48 minutes ago, Nolightleft said:

Obviously this has spiked lol 

From all I've stupidly researchers and found out from workmates fantasies about threesomes, exhibition,voyerism are in the commen category,yet I still don't believe it.

As I've said to many times I fantasized about being caurt masturbating by my stepsons ex,in the fantasy it was arousing,in reality such a thing would literally make me vomit,

Same as the fantasy about 2 women up the road and strangely a tooth brush,in the fantasy it was wild,In reality I wouldn't go anywhere near them they are pretty grim.

That troubles me so much,I am still doughting it's OCD as people don't seem to have these fantasies,only in statistics witch are probably wrong,I am so worried my fantasies are far from normal,they must be,noone else is feeling guilt for theirs cos there aren't as messed up as mine

 

This is exactly what you need to stop doing: talking about fantasies. Your problem is that your mind is constantly preoccupied with these fantasies. It's all you think about. It's all you post about here. You Google about them. Of course they're going to bother you if you never give yourself a break.

We are all trying our damndest to get you to think about something else. Anything else. We don't want to talk about your fantasies because we know it's harmful to you.

[Nolightleft]

I know,I'm in a desperate state,just span me out when I read normal as any little thing does 

Went out for a roast,I'm just dead inside,faked it but you can't not notice,work tomorrow,don't know how I can carry on to be honest,all I'm thinking is confess but that would only screw my Mrs up and something else would move on in and take center stage.but it seems like the only thing to release this pain

 

[foreverobsessing]

23 minutes ago, Nolightleft said:

I know,I'm in a desperate state,just span me out when I read normal as any little thing does 

Went out for a roast,I'm just dead inside,faked it but you can't not notice,work tomorrow,don't know how I can carry on to be honest,all I'm thinking is confess but that would only screw my Mrs up and something else would move on in and take center stage.but it seems like the only thing to release this pain

 

You say confession seems like the only thing to release this pain, but remember back to all the times you’ve confessed the fantasies in the past.. can you honestly say that has helped release your pain before? From reading what you’ve wrote before, it seems after confessing you are still distressed and negatively thinking about yourself. The compulsion of confessing works the same as any other compulsion with ocd, the more you act on it the more you are feeding into it. Obviously we all know it’s not easy to just stop, but try and think about what actually happens when you have confessed before, and remind yourself of the emotions you feel then. 

you’ve been out twice this weekend though! That’s great how was the roast?

[Nolightleft]

I know,I get a little releas,hurt my wife then something else comes up,I should have either never confessed or never had imagined the things I have done or confessed everything at once,that's how I feel,there is a part of me that thinks maby I do have a problem with what I've imagined,I know this will **** people of but maby I need duel treatment,treatment for OCD and treatment for having such bizzare and so many fantasies,I don't know if I'm writing what I shouldn't,I'll probably be told off but there have been some posts that lean in that direction,sorry if I **** people off and don't do what the try to help with,I honestly try but obviously not hard enough

I left my phone purposely when I went to lunch,the anxiety got so great I needed a distraction,I do my Mrs head in on YouTube but I can't function normally 

Edited April 23, 2023 by Nolightleft

[Caramoole]

Quote

I'm writing what I shouldn't,I'll probably be told off 

It's not about being told off, it's about carrying out a repeated compulsion that's making your OCD as difficult as it is being.  You won't achieve success in an hour or so or even days but you won't make any progress unless you start to change and resist the immediate reaction to carry out a compulsion

[Nolightleft]

The anxiety gets to much it crushes me

[Lynz]

6 hours ago, Nolightleft said:

Sorry lynz,on your post you said even my my fantasies weren't normal,youve been great help over the years,I'm just worried by this.

I'm also terrified I'm going to confess today,part of me said it's selfish but part that my wife has to know shes with a pervert

I was replying to the post above which said to you are you sure you're having normal fantasies and not intrusive thoughts. When I said even if the fantasies aren't "normal" it doesn't matter as the problem you have is OCD.

What I should have said was there is no such thing as a normal fantasy. What some people fantasise about might be completely different to what others fantasise about. The point is "normal" is completely subjective. So my point was that it is wrong to focus on whether your fantasies are "normal" or not as the problem is your OCD and not the content of your fantasies.

Every time you catch yourself ruminating on the content of your fantasies and whether you should confess to your wife about them try and redirect your attention into doing something else. Even if your mind is going a mile a minute the point is you are letting the anxiety just be and not reacting to it. It's good that you went out for a meal with your family. Doing things like this is a good way to distract you even if it doesn't feel like it at the time.

I also notice that you seem to "confess" a lot about your fantasies on here in the hope of getting reassurance. Hopefully nobody will engage with you in that as it won't help you. Also I imagine that even typing out your ruminations and posting them is kind of a mini confession, even if you don't expect anyone to reply. This is another compulsion and it is something you must try and not do.

[Nolightleft]

Thanks for clarifying that lynz,I'm so sensitive to everything x

[Myownworstenemy]

Everything that nearly everyone says on here can be misconstrued. Most people on here are asking in a round about way to either confess or seek reassurance, then you've got loads of people who seem to want to have control over them by telling them that they won't give them reassurance.
 

Surely it's better to not say anything, otherwise you just come across as mean, whether it's for the greater good or not. People are still suffering and need compassion. 

if people just stopped answering them surly that would be best. 
 

I'm starting to think sites like this are not helping because most people aren't using it to get well but to carry out compulsions. 
 

if they aren't carrying out the compulsions in real life they are probably on here to fill the gap.