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dksea

OCD-UK Member
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Everything posted by dksea

  1. You are sick, you have OCD, its a mental illness. Trust me, I understand how scary and painful this is for you. I went through something similar, except in my case it was fear I would do something to hurt myself. There were times where it felt like I HAD to fight the "urges" OR ELSE I would give in and do something. I was wrong. Fortunately I had a good therapist to work with, though it took time. I finally stopped fighting the "urges" and guess what? Nothing bad happened. It was scary, and it was hard. I had to take a chance that my therapist (and my psychiatrist, and my parents, etc.) we're right and it was just OCD. I very much DID NOT want to die, yet if my "urges" were real thats exactly what would have happened! I would have thrown myself in front of a car or off a bridge or something. Those were the "urges" I was afraid of. It never happened. When I was on a bridge or near traffic or near a knife, or some other "scary" situation I just kept doing what I was doing, and in time the fear went away, the "urges" stopped being an issue. I saw them for what they REALLY were, OCD obsessions and fears. Intrusive thoughts. Garbage. You are not a monster. You are not going to harm your brother. You are someone who is clearly suffering with OCD, I have no doubt (but you definitely do, because, well thats how OCD works). You need to trust the collective wisdom of the forums, the medical and mental health professionals, the people who have been through this and come out the other side. We know its hard, we know it sucks, and we know what you are going through because we have been there. You have way more power over this than you know. You can beat this, it can get better. Its hard work, but its worth it.
  2. Hi @Cora, I want to emphasize (thus repeating him again) what PolarBear says here because it is spot on. I understand you feel like your situation might be/is different. Trust us when we tell you it's not. We've all felt it before, heard it before, or both. Nothing you have shared so far has shocked us, surprised us, scared us, etc. Its totally run of the mill OCD. Don't get me wrong, run of the mill OCD is painful and hard. Dealing with it is obviously causing you a lot of distress. Dealing with it isn't easy. But its doable. We can help you, but you have to be the one who does the work. It takes time and effort and doing things you won't want to do, but its worth it. Trust us.
  3. While some people find it convenient to categorize OCD, its important to keep in mind that there is only one kind of OCD, and that is OCD. Themes can (and often do) change over time, and the steps to get control back from OCD are basically the same, only the specific details change a little to address your current anxiety. I recommend not putting too much emphasis on what "type" of OCD you have, and focus on understanding why CBT works and then applying it to your recovery, regardless of your current obsession (or obsessions). That way you're better prepared no matter what OCD throws at you.
  4. Hi @Jamesw, welcome to the forums. Sorry to hear you are having a rough time. As PolarBear says, the specific obsession isn't really important. Of course it feels important to you, but only because its causing you pain right now. Your obsession happened to be about faces this time. It could have been something else, it could be something else in the future. People often think OCD chooses specific thoughts, like OCD is some villain or bully acting against you. While it can sometimes help to personify OCD in this way, the truth is that OCD doesn't CHOOSE to do anything. It can't, its a condition not a person. Your OCD just happened to trigger while you were thinking that thought. If it had triggered a second later or a second earlier it would have probably been some other stray thought. Point being, try not to place too much importance (no importance would be best!) on what your particular obsession is about. The reality is its just meaningless garbage. The more you treat it that way, the less it will bother you and stick around. Of course thats easier said than done, it takes time and effort, but it does work. There are a number of approaches you can use to help with this, a qualified mental health professional can teach you, or you can do some self-guided therapy using a book or two. The specific type of therapy for OCD (as well as some other disorders) is called Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, or CBT. If you are not familiar with it I encourage you to read the information on the OCD-UK website, and talk with your doctor or therapist about it.
  5. You've changed houses before, yet you keep worrying. Changing houses is not going to be any different this time if you don't change the real problems. You CAN change how you see this, but it means doing the work, hard work yes, but necessary. You HAVE to touch the things that make you feel uneasy, you have to face the anxiety and do things anyway. Yes its hard, yes its unpleasant, but it can be done. Bleaching is just a compulsion, the worry comes back for these people too. Your situation isn't different from there's, to them it feels just as awful. But their situation doesn't change your situation. You still have to do the work if you want things to change. Trust me, I wish there was an easier way (medication can help, but you still have to do the work). But you can keep things going the way the are OR you can do what is known to work, what we are telling you to do, what we have seen work and what science has shown can work. But ultimately its up to you. You only fail if you give up. You can make the choice to touch the item, and even to use it. Its up to you. You are in control here, right now you are giving up that control to OCD, but you have a choice.
  6. Hello @SeaBeeTea Diaries, welcome to the forums. Its not uncommon for people with one mental illness to be diagnosed with another. Unfortunately these sorts of things like to hang out together! The good news is working on improving one usually helps the other. Its very common for people with OCD to continue to doubt they have OCD. This is due in part to the fact that OCD itself causes us to doubt more, and also it can be unpleasant to accept we have a condition like OCD, its not exactly something to look forward to after all. The good news is you don't have to accept 100% you have OCD in order to get treatment and to begin recovery. You can still learn the techniques in therapy to handle intrusive thoughts better, and they are valid whether or not you have OCD. OCD and its associated intrusive thoughts and compulsive behaviors can be about anything. Some people tend towards one specific issue for a long time, other people move from anxiety to anxiety. And OCD can definitely affect us about real world concerns. To have OCD a person must suffer from intrusive unwanted thoughts (obsessions) that cause distress (anxiety, fear, doubt, etc.) and engage in behaviors (compulsions) to try and alleviate that distress, in such a way that the compulsions and obsessions cause significant disruption in their life (the disorder part). While most people are understandably concerned and upset about COVID, a person with OCD and COVID as a current obsession will have a disproportionate response to the fear and anxiety. Hope that helps and again, welcome to the forum!
  7. Not a lady, but Albertina has already answered that key part Fortunately/unfortunately depending on how you look at it, living beings, especially humans, are complex biological machines. So many things can impact our mood and our mental health and we are only now beginning to understand it. Stress, sleep schedule, diet, exercise, and yes for ladies periods can all have an impact on that. Some of it you can control, some you just have to deal with. Hang in there and do your best!
  8. It means OCD is a pain in the **** One of the main goals of recovery IS that the intrusive thoughts stop worrying you! Thats the point! Now you've got meta-anxiety, worry about worry (or not enough worry). But its just another intrusive thought, another "what if". As @OCD10 says, treat it like OCD, because it is
  9. You FEEL like you need the photo, but as PB says you don't. You need to work on understanding the difference between how you feel about something (because of OCD) and what you actually need.
  10. Sorry but this is not a fact, it is an opinion. Different people communicate better in different ways. For some people in person may be better, for others online may be better. Please try to remember that and be respectful of peoples differences.
  11. Its a lot easier to tell you what to do or even know what to do than it is to actually do it (as is often the case in life). Trust me, we understand how hard that is too As PB said, it took you awhile to get in to this, it'll take awhile to get out. I wish I could tell you how long, but there's just no way to say. But everyday that you work on it, every time you do the right thing and avoid compulsions, face your anxieties etc. is one day closer to that goal. Of course it would be awesome if you could be better right away, I know how desperately you want that, thats natural. Try to be patient, but its normal and understandable to be frustrated at times. Your thinking is spot on here. But remember you don't have to be perfect, just try and be better each time in how you respond.
  12. Unfortunately recovery isn't an easily quantifiable process, you can't just follow a list like: avoid compulsions for 7 days and the anxiety will go away. Some intrusive thoughts are stronger than others, some compulsions are easier to stop than others, some compulsions are easier to identify than others. In my own life I've had some intrusive thoughts that only impacted me for a short time, and some that lasted for years and years before I started getting a handle on them (and really getting in to CBT, I wish I'd known about that a lot earlier). Of course its frustrating to struggle with recovery for any length of time, we all want to feel better/normal NOW. But OCD recovery is a marathon not a sprint, it takes time. Try your best to be patient with yourself and your journey. Be proud of the progress you are making and the learning you are doing. You'll keep getting better and before you realize it youll reach your goals.
  13. Because you are a good person and you don't WANT to be having those kind of thoughts. Intrusive thoughts cause distress, and shame is one example of that.
  14. Except thats not the choice you have to make, the choice isn't: Stay the same and stay alive OR Die The choice is Stay the same and keep suffering (and probably get worse) OR Get help and get better. And I'd prefer to live a long and healthy life than be struck by lighting, but that doesn't mean its reasonable or realistic for me to stay inside and avoid even the slightest possibility of being struck by lightning. You are massively over exaggerating the chances that some stray comment by a psychiatrist will result in you becoming suicidal and willing to endure endless REAL suffering on a daily basis because of it. While that is, I suppose, your choice, it is not a very logical or wise one. It's like saying you don't want to go on the trip of a lifetime because there is at least some possibility the plane could crash and you could die. You could also die if you never get on the plane, in fact you will someday. Same with this, you could drop dead from an aneurysm tomorrow. What then? Sure you didn't become suicidal, but you also suffered needlesly, and in the end you still died. It IS scary to accept the unknown and try something different, I understand that fear, but trust me when I say its worse to keep suffering. The fear you are living in is far far worse than what happens when you get help, even doing things like ERP. Your life could be so much better, you are missing out on so much right now that you could be enjoying. I really hope you will reconsider.
  15. Sounds like a wise idea! I think you are already doing a much better job at dealing with this than a lot of people! Hopefully in time your daughters recovery progress will be more noticeable so you can see what a difference you are making in her life
  16. Visiting my family and friends back in the States! Was planning to go home for Christmas, but thats off the table this year.
  17. I would be surprised to find anyone who doesn't get angry sometimes at OCD, as you said it is a horrible disorder. Its perfectly reasonable and normal to feel anger towards things in our lives that cause us to suffer. Occasional anger can be healthy and cathartic and venting about it (such as you are doing in this post) can help. That said, its important to not allow that kind of anger to overwhelm your thinking and to become angry all the time. Yes OCD has caused things to happen in a way you likely didn't want, and that sucks. Its ok and normal to very occasionally think about what might have been, pretty much all people do that. But you can't change the past, only the future. So let yourself be angry from time to time, but also make sure you are doing what you can now to try and improve your situation for the future.
  18. A few points @john1978 As PB says, the best person to advise you on medication is your doctor. That said, while medication can be very helpful for people with OCD it is seldom (if ever) going to fix it completely. If it provides benefit to you (it has for me and many others) that's great, but its important to do CBT as well. Additionally the medication that is most often used and effective for treating OCD are the SSRI class drugs. Seroquel and Mirtazpine are of different classes of drugs, and while they are sometimes used to treat OCD they generally aren't the first choice. However, the reason your doctor chose them might be related to any other conditions you are dealing with. Again if you have questions about medication your doctor is the best person to ask. Finally, there really are no such thing as "different subtypes of OCD", just OCD. OCD can affect your thoughts about ANYTHING. CBT applies equally to any and all intrusive worries about OCD. It may seem like a minor point, but worrying about subtypes gives OCD power because it makes the content seem important, its really not. OCD is OCD is OCD. Treat it all the same.
  19. Consider the hell you have been living in for the past 5+ years. Wouldn't the chance to make things better be worth it?
  20. I know its frustrating to keep feeling like things are reminding you of your intrusive worries, but you have to keep doing the same thing, treating it as OCD, responding with a "so what" when these things happen.
  21. Hi @Fin, welcome to the forums! Living with OCD can DEFINITELY be a struggle, there is a lot of pain and frustration, and progress can seem slow or even non-existent at times. Part of that is getting the help you need and it sounds like you've already made some good progress in that area. Another part of it is learning how to make the right choices in dealing with OCD, which can be hard since OCD itself often gets in the way, and the "wrong" choices often SEEM like the right ones ("I've got a problem, I should be able to think about it and reason it out!"). I can understand how you feel hopeless at times, but I bet if you compared where you are now to where you were 10 years ago it would be quite different. Just because you haven't gotten to where you want to be yet, doesn't mean you won't in the future! Hopefully your time here on the forums will be helpful to you in your recovery journey!
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