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Apology-Want To Tear My Brain Out (Merged Thread)

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Hi, I wanted to start of this post by greatly apologising for my behaviour on the forum and especially to the forum members. You guys don't deserve it at all, you're very insightful and kind for taking the time out to offer advice. My behaviour was completely uncalled for and was not helpful in the slightest, that thread should've been locked, I'm very sorry. 

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Hi @don't know 
Thank you for the kind words :) However, please try not to worry too much about apologizing, we all understand you are going through a difficult time right now and that can impact ones behavior.  Whats important right now is making sure you get the help you need to get back control of your life.  While it can be, at times, frustrating, dealing with other sufferers, I hope you understand that any frustration we feel comes from a place of wanting to help.  I can't speak for others (though I imagine the response will be similar) but I am always happy to help you understand OCD and offer advice on how to move forward in recovery.  You don't have to have all the answers (which is good cause none of us do!) to start on that path, all it takes is a choice and willingness to do the work.  Hope you are feeling better today!

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Please don't apologise dk, we all know how incredibly difficult ocd can be. When you're stuck in the middle of it it can be very very hard to see out of the labyrinth. 

I hope things are a little better today xx

Edited by gingerbreadgirl

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don't see the need for any apology. We all (atleast the majority) writes because they wants to help. But it is very good if you can see sole of it lore clearly. Do you recognize that you are very stuck at the moment?

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Hi, I can see that I'm stuck but I had a really difficult day of it yesterday. This post was originally a lot longer but I cut it down so it wouldn't annoy anyone. I'm not feeling better at all really.

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9 hours ago, don't know said:

Hi, I wanted to start of this post by greatly apologising for my behaviour on the forum and especially to the forum members. You guys don't deserve it at all, you're very insightful and kind for taking the time out to offer advice. My behaviour was completely uncalled for and was not helpful in the slightest, that thread should've been locked, I'm very sorry. 

I’m not sure it’s a case of uncalled for behaviour DK, you’ve never been abusive or aggressive at any stage....but you’re right inasmuch that the way you were posting wasn’t helpful to yourself and that’s what we’ve been trying hard to help you understand. 

I have to admit I was within a whisker to locking the thread a couple of times but I was hoping you would make the decision to change tack yourself rather than making the decision for you. 

Moving on though, are you going to make an appointment with your GP? 

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I've done the whole GP thing and been referred to one therapist who was not helpful. I was then referred once again for cbt where I was diagnosed and put on medication and then was referred once again where I decided to not go on with treatment.

So I've lost hope in the whole thing. 

Edited by don't know

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6 minutes ago, don't know said:

I've done the whole GP thing and been referred to one therapist who was not helpful. I was then referred once again for cbt where I was diagnosed and put on medication and then was referred once again where I decided to not go on with treatment.

So I've lost hope in the whole thing. 

Doesn't mean you shouldn't give it another go :)

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Then get one of the excellent self-help CBT books from the shop on the main OCD-UK website. 

Personally I favour a workbook as they teach then set homework, much as a personal therapist would do. 

And we all have to do that work in order to get better. 

Edited by taurean

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1 minute ago, taurean said:

Then get one of the excellent self-help CBT books from the shop on the main OCD-UK website. 

Personally I favour a workbook as they teach then set homework, much as a personal therapist would do. 

And we all have to do that work in order to get better. 

Yes quite, and/or check out the library to see what they've got in terms of self-help books too :D

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Even the resolve of working to tackle OCD (with say, a book) is useful - apart from the technics and tools themselves. It gives a sense of empowerment. 

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I'm sorry for this, but I'm having trouble. I've had this all day and yesterday. I wake up and I get stressed if I don't feel anything towards the people I care about. I ended up thinking if I liked them or not, was I pretending? Am I just used to being normal that I won't just let them go? It then switched to getting these awful thoughts. They were really bad yesterday, if anyone touches me I analyse whether I was turned on. I also tried to distract myself from it but I couldn't so I ended up on these forums and I was just panicked but then I would read something and think I don't relate but then I would find something to counter it. I really can't deal with it. 

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13 hours ago, don't know said:

I'm sorry for this, but I'm having trouble. I've had this all day and yesterday. I wake up and I get stressed if I don't feel anything towards the people I care about. I ended up thinking if I liked them or not, was I pretending? Am I just used to being normal that I won't just let them go? It then switched to getting these awful thoughts. They were really bad yesterday, if anyone touches me I analyse whether I was turned on. I also tried to distract myself from it but I couldn't so I ended up on these forums and I was just panicked but then I would read something and think I don't relate but then I would find something to counter it. I really can't deal with it. 

Your expectations are out of whack. You expect to feel a certain way toward certain people, which is unrealistic. None of us get strong emotions around others all the time. That's one problem. The other is the compulsion of analyzing how you feel and comparing that with your warped expectations.

It's oksy to feel nothing. Neutral is okay.

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I understand that it's weird. I know that on some level. I'm scared that if I stop trying to see how I feel that I'll not like them anymore. 

Edited by don't know

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That's ridiculous OCD thinking. It's as screwy as thinking you have every doorway three times before walking through or your mother will die.

Also, how us your testing working out for you? I'm betting it's not. It isn't doing you any goof. So stop doing it.

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I'm so fed up. 

I had a couple of hours where I tried to get on some stuff. I felt fine and actually got my feelings back, however it was ruined when I thought about my friends trying to talk to me and I got so much anxiety and felt ill. I don't understand at this point why am I scared I've lost feelings towards people when it seems like I hate them and want nothing to do with them.

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I was diagnosed once but when I got referred onto another professional they never said whether I did or didn't. 

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I see. Well I am not in a position to diagnos you and I don't want to give advices to someone doubting. If the goose is wet and the door is open and the newly made bed stands inside could it possible be a risk then. What I am trying not to do is to be an insurer for a doubter

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