I don't know whether I am OK or not

[gingerbreadgirl]

Re ruminating I know I need to stop that and I know it is harmful. But I also think amongst this there is an issue I need to resolve, a genuine non-ocd issue, but I struggle to know where ruminating begins and ends. 

[Gemma7]

I know you're not asking, but i think ruminating is particularly bad when you are trying to establish something as fact that you can’t possibly establish as fact. But the line between thinking and overthinking is a hard one. As long as the goal is healthy, thinking can be ok. Worth discussing though

Having a good weekend thanks, just painting, it's good therapy 

[gingerbreadgirl]

Glad you're having a nice weekend and painting does sound therapeutic! Do you mean in an art sense or diy? 

[Gemma7]

I'm painting a portrait of an F1 driver lol

[gingerbreadgirl]

I just Googled anxious attachment and found an article which said it's associated with covert narcissism this has triggered me a bit because this is something I worry about my younger self, that I used to behave in narcissistic ways to the people around me.  

[gingerbreadgirl]

Just now, Gemma7 said:

I'm painting a portrait of an F1 driver lol

That must take some serious skill!  

[Gemma7]

6 minutes ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

I just Googled anxious attachment and found an article which said it's associated with covert narcissism this has triggered me a bit because this is something I worry about my younger self, that I used to behave in narcissistic ways to the people around me.  

Ok so you have decided narcissism of any kind is bad, major black and white thinking, and now you are worried. Why? If you behaved in a narcissistic way at any point, so? Do you see how important you are treating thoughts/words. Reading something changes nothing. 

[gingerbreadgirl]

Well I worry I may have hurt someone irrevocably with my words, I worry my behaviour was completely unacceptable (which it certainly was at times). 

[Gemma7]

Just now, gingerbreadgirl said:

Well I worry I may have hurt someone irrevocably with my words, I worry my behaviour was completely unacceptable (which it certainly was at times). 

Why do you worry? If that was the case, what's so bad about that?

[gingerbreadgirl]

I hate the thought of someone having been hurt by something I've said. And I know I said hurtful things at times cos my friends were rightly annoyed by it. (This is when I was a student). 

I also worry that if I'm an inherently bad person I may not realise and I may have done something awful or even illegal and not remember now. I worry it may come back on me at some point. 

[gingerbreadgirl]

I said and did some properly cr*ppy things and that isn't ocd talking it's just the truth. 

I know this is ruminating, sorry  

Edited April 28, 2019 by gingerbreadgirl

[Gemma7]

1 minute ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

I hate the thought of someone having been hurt by something I've said. And I know I said hurtful things at times cos my friends were rightly annoyed by it. (This is when I was a student).

And you are sorry, the end. Continuing thinking about it solves nothing. 

 

1 minute ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

I also worry that if I'm an inherently bad person I may not realise and I may have done something awful or even illegal and not remember now. I worry it may come back on me at some point

That's OCD uncertainty, you can't stay prepared for something that might never happen, all it does is waste your life and helps no one. 

[Gemma7]

1 minute ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

I said and did some properly cr*ppy things and that isn't ocd talking it's just the truth. 

Join the queue of people who have done the same. You are the norm, your reaction is not 

[gingerbreadgirl]

1 minute ago, Gemma7 said:

And you are sorry, the end. 

But what if they don't realise I'm sorry? 

[gingerbreadgirl]

Just now, Gemma7 said:

Join the queue of people who have done the same. You are the norm, your reaction is not 

No honestly none of my friends behaved like I did. I could give you a long list except I'm too embarrassed!! 

[gingerbreadgirl]

Sorry I know this has descended into compulsions. I should stop this. 

Thanks again for so much of your time. I hope your painting goes well! You'll have to post it to the forum  

[Gemma7]

Just now, gingerbreadgirl said:

But what if they don't realise I'm sorry? 

GBG there is nothing to do, OCD always wants something to do. You could phone up everyone you have ever upset and tell them how sorry you are, is that what you would tell me to do? Treat yourself how you tell other people to treat themselves. 

[Gemma7]

2 minutes ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

No honestly none of my friends behaved like I did. I could give you a long list except I'm too embarrassed!! 

Your friends are not a good sample of the population so irrelevant. 

[gingerbreadgirl]

1 hour ago, Gemma7 said:

Your friends are not a good sample of the population so irrelevant. 

I think this is maybe part of the issue nobody I know has really ever made any mistakes not serious ones. They're all just prefectly nice moderate people. It makes me think I'm the only person on earth who has done anything regrettable. I've never really had an example of how to handle regrets. 

[taurean]

3 minutes ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

I think this is maybe part of the issue nobody I know has really ever made any mistakes not serious ones. They're all just prefectly nice moderate people.

But look closely - isn't that an overgeneralisation? (Another of those peskey negative thinking distortions). 

You can't know that for a fact, and they would likely keep it to themselves anyway. 

6 minutes ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

It makes me think I'm the only person on earth who has done anything regrettable.

This is very strictly judgemental, and based on an overgeneralisation, therefore questionable. 

Psychoanalysis is so interesting, and it shows how biased thinking can produce negative self-worth. 

Snowbear's love-kindness meditation and thinking, which she recommended to me, helped me overcome bad feelings about myself. 

[Angst]

1 hour ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

Sorry I know this has descended into compulsions. I should stop this. 

Thanks again for so much of your time. I hope your painting goes well! You'll have to post it to the forum  

Yes I think you are right GBG. You have spent a whole day on this. Go out this evening. Be active. Focus you mind on something else. Best wishes.

[taurean]

Isn't Sunday night a good tele night for costume drama ? 

That might be a great distraction. 

[gingerbreadgirl]

Yes you're right thank you both. Line of duty is on tonight which is one of my favourites so I'll look forward to that  

[Gemma7]

13 minutes ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

I've never really had an example of how to handle regrets. 

This is the key issue. You don't need to know someone who has regrets, you need to know people who show forgiveness and compassion for mistakes to others and themselves. You are right in that you need to be shown how to do that, you have to learn and clearly you aren't shown that by those around you or you don't notice when it happens. Think of the people you are close to, are they forgiving of others, are they self-forgiving. These are important things to be good at, to be mentally healthy. 

I concur with my fellow posters, take some time off, enjoy line of duty x

[gingerbreadgirl]

I think my partner handles mistakes in a healthy way, she sometimes feels regrets but she doesn't beat herself up or generalise from them she just gets on with things. I try to emulate this but as you see I struggle! 

I guess when I said I haven't had an example I really meant as a kid. 

Thanks I will  have you finished your painting? X 

Edited April 28, 2019 by gingerbreadgirl