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Phili

Bump on leg

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So this morning i found a small bump on the back of my calf. It is about the size of the tip of my finger, flat and slightly elongated. I have been doing exercises the physios gave me for the past three weeks. I’m freaking out, i can’t calm down. My brother felt it and said its just a spot, it gets them all the time. It feels different each time i touch it and I’m trying to keep calm and rational but i googled it and now i think i have some c word beginning with an s and am going to die. I can’t calm down and really need support  

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Oh Phili,

Compulsion city I'm afraid. I'm sure you can spot them:

-Asking your brother

-Going to Dr Google

-Coming here for reassurance

I know it's hard, especially now you've come across the C word (not saying what the C is, is avoidance by the way).

I'm sure you don't need me to tell you how to deal with this.

Hang in there,

Binx

 

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Every time i feel it, it feels different, larger then smaller, longer, then rounder, i go calm then anxious, then calm again

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It could be cancer or it could be anything. We are not doctors. It would not be responsible if we told you about your bump.

 

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Phili, this is the same old health obsession in a new form. Stop analysing it. Let it pass you by! You don’t want to be stuck thinking about this for months

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I’m not getting any mental health support at all. I have a CPN but we only meet once a fortnite if lucky. Other than that, nothing. 

I had one of my pink pills so the anxiety is gone for 99% but i can’t stop feeling it. Its actually flat, not very defined and about a cm. You can sort of see where it is but not really. My brother says its a spot, he says he gets loads of them. My leg was rubbing on wood doing exercises yesterday and i have never exercised until these two and a bit weeks

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You should really be able to not do that when you have taken benzo or what you are taking. Stop doing the compulsion or it will get worse. If you have had therapy before and your therapist gave you advices, those advices are as good today as they were then. 

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There's your answer then, that'll be what it is. :) I have something similar on my elbow where I keep scraping it. Easy for me to say, I know, but try to find something to do with your hands to distract you from feeling it.

I'm sorry you aren't getting much support. Have you ever tried contacting the National Autistic Society? I'm thinking of it as I strongly suspect I am on the spectrum.

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5 hours ago, Phili said:

but i can’t stop feeling it. Its actually flat, not very defined and about a cm. You can sort of see where it is but not really

You CAN stop feeling it. Remember you used to check other body parts but now you don’t? So it can be with this too! Stop poking it, stop looking at it, stop analysing it, stop imagining its proportions.  Focus on ANYTHING else and ignore that urge to go back to the lump

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I keep thinking it's a lot smaller and i think it is but then im not sure

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Phili you know 100% what you are doing. You aren’t a beginner to ocd. You are posting a thread of compulsions, much like the journal of compulsions posted by another member recently. That should be proof to you that this behaviour is the wrong road to go down. 

 

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I've not had this level of anxiety for a while, the doubt the fear, it's overwhelming 

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I bet. You did compulsions yesterday and took benzo. It will just cpntinue if you dont change something. 

Compulsions always comes with a price. Today you pay for yesterdays compulsions and you will have to do the same tomorrow if you keep doing the wrong thing

Edited by OCDhavenobrain

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37 minutes ago, OCDhavenobrain said:

I bet. You did compulsions yesterday and took benzo. It will just cpntinue if you dont change something. 

Compulsions always comes with a price. Today you pay for yesterdays compulsions and you will have to do the same tomorrow if you keep doing the wrong thing

Im on my third pink pill tonight

 

Edited by Phili

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6 hours ago, Phili said:

Im on my third pink pill tonight

Hi Phili, sorry to hear you are having a hard time with this.  OCD tends to make us assume the worst, but its good to remind ourselves that there are usually plenty of benign reasons for these sorts of things too and its not helpful to focus on the negative as OCD pushes us to.  I have occasionally had strange bumps too, and waiting they end up going away.  It could be some kind of insect bite, or a small case of poison ivy or similar, could be a bee sting, or lots of other things.  It might help to put a small bandage over the bump to help dissuade yourself from looking at it and pressing it often.  Definitely avoid Googling, there in lies the path to madness.  If its still bothering you tomorrow you could phone your GP and describe it to the doctor or nurse, they will best be able to advise you, but my guess is that they won't be concerned and that wait and see will be the approach they recommend.  Hang in there, try and do some things to keep your mind of this, and remember, its probably not as bad as you think it is and even if it does turn out to be something serious that doesn't mean the end.  People get sick and then healthy again all the time.

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Offering her medical reassurance dksea is counterproductive. Excessive reassurance promotes avoidance. It also reinforces the idea that the person cannot cope
with the uncertainty or distress associated with an obsession and that avoidance is the only way
to deal with it. Avoidance is particularly harmful in the case of OCD as it keeps the person from
discovering that their fears may be unfounded. In this way, although excessive reassurance makes
the person feel better in the short-term, in the long-term it only serves to perpetuate the
symptoms of OCD.

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On 10/04/2019 at 05:11, OCDhavenobrain said:

It could be cancer or it could be anything. We are not doctors. It would not be responsible if we told you about your bump.

 

Tough response - but ultimately the kindest option. 

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I think that it have to be said. 

How is it going now Phil? Benzo really are tricky and I feel that you shouldn't take them because you still believe rhat you are your thoughts and what could be more severe than dying (what OCD tells you will happen if you do not engage). Surely one or two pills wont hurt? 

 

Edited by OCDhavenobrain

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17 hours ago, Handy said:

Offering her medical reassurance dksea is counterproductive. Excessive reassurance promotes avoidance. It also reinforces the idea that the person cannot cope

Key word being EXCESSIVE.  People sometimes need reassurance, just like people sometimes need to wash their hands.  I provided a one time explanation of the situation to help Phili understand how a non-OCD person would react, a reasonable and rational level of advice.  Never offering anyone any kind of emotional support or explanation is neither necessary nor kind.  I won't treat people that way.

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2 hours ago, dksea said:

Never offering anyone any kind of emotional support or explanation is neither necessary nor kind.  I won't treat people that way.

:thumbup: agree. Tough love does not work for people who have other conditions alongside ocd. Phili, like myself is on the autistic spectrum and militaristic tough love and forced exposure did more harm

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15 hours ago, OCDhavenobrain said:

Benzo really are tricky

Unless I've missed something....who said she's taking Benzodiazepines?  I only saw reference to taking a pink pill which could be beta blockers or indeed anything.

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