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You're wife obviously doesn't understand ocd which isn't her fault but which is not helping you recover. You're writing on here so hopefully you don't want to.end it, you just want the pain and the illness to end. I have read a lot if criticism of your wife in previous posts but I don't think that's necessarily fair as us sufferers struggle enough with understanding the illness and its in our own heads. I really feel you need therapy very quickly as you need to get to a place where you don't feel the need to confess and ultimately damage your relationship. Please don't do anything silly

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Don't do anything silly, you are in the grips of OCD that has distorted your thinking too much. my advice would be call the Samaritans 116 123. 

the issue isn't your fantasies, its your distorted thinking around them . your wife has distorted thinking around them too. call the Samaritans - don't do anything silly.

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Ive had such disgusting fantasies, ive imagined myself in a threesome and being caught mxxxxxxg, i am such a disgusting person, my wife thought i was different but im just a disgusting pervert, i cant live knowing ive fantasized about such things, and with people we know, i cant cope, and the craziest thing is i STILL want to confess more fantasiez to her but i cant because its a compulsion

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The biggest compulsion you are performing at the moment is rumination. Confessing will do you no good. you will feel better briefly but it will just make you want to confess more. 

you wife will have had fantasies too, if she claims not then I don't believe her. every human on the planet has them. the only difference between them and someone with OCD is that they will have them and move on immediately, not give them a second thought. with OCD we agonise over them and ruminate endlessly about them. this distorts them as they have done for you.

I think you know this deep down but are caught in the midst of a massive OCD episode. 

give the Samaritans a call .

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Thankyou and yes she does say she never does and also tells me i should only think of her

All her insecurities are fueld by confessions of sexual fantasies ive had, i rand the samaritens but he didnt really get me, asked some strange questions. 

Im pretty much ready to turn the lights out to be honest

I cant convince myself that im not a disgusting pervert for entertaining such tabboo fantasies

 

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Sorry the Samaritans didn't seem to help, you could always try again and see who you get. You could try and contact this charity too? .

 

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I think im past help, i dont want to be here

Every minute of the day i feel guilt and get images of sexual fantasies ive had,the threesome one is destroying me, it was about to women at the end of our street, i am truly disgusted that i could day dream such things when im happy with my wife

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9 minutes ago, Nolightleft said:

I think im past help, i dont want to be here

Every minute of the day i feel guilt and get images of sexual fantasies ive had,the threesome one is destroying me, it was about to women at the end of our street, i am truly disgusted that i could day dream such things when im happy with my wife

Dude it's normal man you've got to learn to cope with regular human experience you aren't a disgusting pervert it's normal.

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3 hours ago, Avo said:

 

Is it normal though when someone is meant to love theier wife,ive had really taboo fantasies about so many women doing really dirty things, i was never bothered but its really got its calwa in me

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  they are thoughts and images you have attached meaning to, that's the problem. not the fantasies themselves. its your reaction to them. 

you really need to try and find a way to stop ruminating. it distorts everything . if you can do that the anxiety they bring will start to fade away.

 

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Mate i just cant stop ruminating, ive tried to i find it impossible, all i get is images from past fantasies and an inner voice saying im a vile cheat who doesnt deserve his wife, a fraud and anything else to put me dowm, this theme has been going on since last October, death would be welcomed and a relief 

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Just now, Nolightleft said:

Mate i just cant stop ruminating, ive tried to i find it impossible, all i get is images from past fantasies and an inner voice saying im a vile cheat who doesnt deserve his wife, a fraud and anything else to put me dowm, this theme has been going on since last October, death would be welcomed and a relief 

If your feeling suicidal please visit your local emergency room! It sounds like you either need to start medication or switch meds. Therapy is seldom enough for ocders to get by typically a combination of both is in order. Trying medication is certainly better than nothing. I'm sure you rationally understand you aren't vile or a pervert, but the obsessions sound strong so I know it's tough. I couldn't stop ruminating until being put on an antipsychotic (abilify).

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Just now, Josiah10 said:

If your feeling suicidal please visit your local emergency room! It sounds like you either need to start medication or switch meds. Therapy is seldom enough for ocders to get by typically a combination of both is in order. Trying medication is certainly better than nothing. I'm sure you rationally understand you aren't vile or a pervert, but the obsessions sound strong so I know it's tough. I couldn't stop ruminating until being put on an antipsychotic (abilify).

 

3 minutes ago, Nolightleft said:

Mate i just cant stop ruminating, ive tried to i find it impossible, all i get is images from past fantasies and an inner voice saying im a vile cheat who doesnt deserve his wife, a fraud and anything else to put me dowm, this theme has been going on since last October, death would be welcomed and a relief 

What I'm trying to say is that relief can be found outside of death medication and erp are your strongest shot at it. You need to decide that you're going to get better no matter what. Suicide can't even be an option for you. Read man's search for meaning by Viktor frankl.

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Posted (edited)

I am waiting for erp, my phyce assessment said its clearly ocd, people on here say its clearly ocd yet still all i think is i shouldnt have had such perverse fantasies when in a relationship, especially with people we know

Edited by Nolightleft
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Please, please don’t hurt yourself.

You know I have had an exact, exact CARBON COPY of your current OCD episode BUT I GOT THROUGH IT AND FEEL SO MUCH BETTER NOW ?.

Please go to your doctor as a matter of urgency.

I know it’s agony but it’s just OCD. They’re just thoughts and images to which you are giving undue credence.

Please, dear friend, go to the doctor asap.

Love and light,

Gerard

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Yeh ur wife is not helping, but truly some things are better left unsaid. Ur wife almost undoubtedly has had similar fantasies at one point, the difference is she Isn't going to tell u. I understand that this is where it is ur ocd as u felt the need to confess.

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Thanks, i cant stand it, its as if im hiding 100s of secrets from her by not telling her what and who ive fantasized about, as if im not the man she thinks i am and deserves to know

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Just to echo others advice...if you feel you may act on these suicidal feelings @Nolightleft  please reach out to your mental health team or as Josiah's suggested go to your local A & E. You can get through this, but it's clear you need more professional help than you're receiving at the moment to get you there. How about getting in touch with the charity for Ashley's thoughts around accessing more specialist treatment? 

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On 10/04/2022 at 11:14, Nolightleft said:

Ive had such disgusting fantasies, ive imagined myself in a threesome and being caught mxxxxxxg, i am such a disgusting person, my wife thought i was different but im just a disgusting pervert, i cant live knowing ive fantasized about such things, and with people we know, i cant cope, and the craziest thing is i STILL want to confess more fantasiez to her but i cant because its a compulsion

I've had the same and probably lots of other people too.

Is there someone you can stay with?

 

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On 10/04/2022 at 11:14, Nolightleft said:

Ive had such disgusting fantasies, ive imagined myself in a threesome and being caught mxxxxxxg, i am such a disgusting person, my wife thought i was different but im just a disgusting pervert, i cant live knowing ive fantasized about such things, and with people we know, i cant cope, and the craziest thing is i STILL want to confess more fantasiez to her but i cant because its a compulsion

Hi mate,

I'm so sorry that this has happened to you.

I've done exactly the same as the above and got to the point where I tried to take my own life last year but I'm glad I didn't.

I can only echo what everyone else here has said about seeking help and I certainly believe you need a therapist you trust as soon as possible.

Is there someone you can stay with?

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Thankyou mate, im not glad uve been through the same but its good to know im not the only one who has experienced this theme

Im waiting for therapy, back with my wife trying to work thrpugh, and after everything i still want to confess every fantasy and wo it was about, it is so hard not to confess

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Hi @Nolightleft

I'm really sorry that you're struggling so much. I don't have much to say other than keep going. I know that sounds hypocritical coming from me but you can't give up, if not for your own sake, at least for your wife's. Just like everyone is saying, your fantasies are not and will never be the problem, the problem here is your reaction.

Keep fighting, NLL! x

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